One day
feeling sorry for my piece of
shit self, not growing as a person.
Just sucking up positive energy.
A human vacuum cleaner of spoiled shit
sucking the joy out of those around me.
Rapidly replaced with resentful regret.
When it came to the point where I didn't
want to live anymore, not in my shoes anyway.
I started to reflect upon my life.
The things I would miss.
The things I have not yet done.
Typical challenges one faces on the
road that is life.
Not just the challenges,
but the moments that make life.
Watching my baby nephew as he smiles
and laughs everytime I look his way.
He always smiles when I'm around.
I felt happy, normal even.
But the floodgates were opened to
the river of depression.
Thoughts of my death pouring out
like rush hour traffic.
My departure.
I wondered how it would be if I were no more.
How my sister would tell my nephew that he
"used to" have an uncle that made him laugh,
"Used to" make him smile?
Sad but happy,
I realized life is beautiful.
It wasn't about all of the drugs
I could do if I were alive.
Wasn't about the girls I could fuck,
or the money I could make and spend.
It was all about love.
My nephew saved my life and I'll
never forget his gift to me that day...
A smile that is forever giving.
Author notes
When my life hit rock bottom I had an epiphany and I owe it all to my 6 month old nephew Bradley.
In a list
I'd just like an honest opinion...thanks
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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WOW!!!!
Hey marcus it's nicky amber told me you wrote poems so i had to check them out. this one exspecially brought a tear to my eye.. YOUR AWSOME!!!
Love you
Nicky -
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hey nicky
thanks for stopping by, I'm glad to hear that you liked it. It was a very hard thing for me to post this up here because of how personal this one was to me. With most of my other poems I could/would take bits and pieces of my life experiences and influence the writing someway or put my point of view in there somehow in a creative way, well actually it's all personal, but not like this and definitely not to this extent. At least it isn't for me. So this was a big step out there for me, I'm very pleased with the responses I've gotten, so thank you again for taking the time to come out here and read, even more thanks for taking the time to leave a comment with such kind words and flattery. I appreciate it very much and hope to hear from you again. Thanks
TTYL
MM
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Powerful!
You stirred my emotions with this one and I'm man enough to admit that I cried while reading it. I've had my share of struggles so I can relate. One of the things that makes this so good in my opinion is that you didn't hold back on your expressions. It was bold and raw which is fitting for the emotions that you were conveying. Is there anything more precious than the simple smile given freely by a child? Is there anything more valuable than the love of a child? I sure couldn't tell you what it would be. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Your friend,
BKB
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hey Brian
thanks for taking the time to read, and of course even more thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. As you know it is always appreciated when somebody leaves a thoughtful comment, especially when it's a poem that means something dear to you(the author). I'll have to admit that I wrote this in my notebook in one big conscience stream of thought as I was feeling sorry for myself, as I stated, while sitting around the living room looking around at things that used to make me happy but now only made me miserable. Finding negativity in everything that I saw, except of course when I caught eyes with my nephew and for no apparent reason other than us acknowledging one another, he smiled at me and reached his little hand out that was holding his favorite toy, wanting to give it to me. That just about broke my heart at that time. I was going through life where I was at the point where I'd have to beg, steal, use pity tactics, fake illnesses, feign tooth pain, whatever I could do to get my hand on a script of pills, some Mary-Jane LoL, shrooms, and those sort of things, nothing real heavy like cocaine, heroin, meth, special K, cough syrup LoL, or any of those Over-The-Counter drugs that people take in ridiculous doses so they can get some kind of high, which is probably killing their liver with all of the Tylenol or whatever non-acting chemicals that don't produce a high for them. But anyways, LoL that was where/when I hit my low, at least of yet, I hope I don't take another dive like that. ANYWAYS...when I saw him just give me his favorite toy without even thinking and just his overall innocence and generosity broke right through the wall that I had built. So thanks again for the reading and thanx of course for your kind words. It's always a pleasure to hear from ya Brian, you keep on a writing and hopefully I'll be adding a new poem on here pretty soon LoL, which should break my 3-4 month absence of adding any new poetry. So hopefully I can give ya something new to read and hopefully it'll live up to my standards, I hope so, it's one that I've written a very long time ago, I'm just gonna re-edit it so it's a little more updated.
TTYSoon My Friend
MM
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Hey marcus,
how true that drowning man will catch at a straw...I had same kind of contemplation long back like 'How do people who are totally down find their way out?' ... I got an answer and just wanna share it with you... Our love towards life, fear about death and look out for something positive are what keep us live our life even after so many falls we come across in life. Life is a pendulum between joys and tears, popularly known truth... this is the essence of life... when a day comes that makes us face the extremity of darkness/failures, all we want is just a small light, no matter it is burning smoke, to get deviated from the darkness... Thank god, your nephew was there for you....
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece... Brilliant job...Best subject.
Thanks for sharing
Love
-Kiddy. Rewarded 8
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Wish of simplicity
It sounds to me like you wish for the chaos to stop. I too wish I could go back to a simpler time. I have to rush off to a party but I will give it a more thorough read later. good post though.
. Rewarded 4
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Its A Wonderful Life
Brutally honest writing which highlights what i think is the whole point of our existence...to become aware of who you really are,which is what you have done.
Inspirational.
Rhetorica
. Rewarded 4
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hey Rhetoric
thanks, you've given me the gift that I think all writers seek, to either inspire a person with the words you've written or be inspired by something that somebody else has written, Thank you for the kind words and most of all I am thankful that I could inspire you in any way. And you're right, that's what we're all here for, at least in my opinion. Again thanks very much for stopping by to read and thanks for your time that it took to read and comment on a poem that means a lot to me.
TTYL
MM
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I liked this one.Strong emotions and too much pain going on.I 've had that feeling before .It's like an obsession for leaving behind life and searching for death ,but i was too afraid to day anyway.
Your poem is nicely done and is sth that makes me think .I'm glad that you found a reason for leaving or that you've been saved by angel .Angels always helps us find our way and it doesn't matter if they are white with wings or if they don't have wings at all. I think that every person has /deserves to find an angel in this world.
~Feb~
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Yes It's beautiful when one is saved.
again, I'm glad you decided to read and comment on another one of my poems, I'm delighted. I'm glad that you chose this one as well b/c as you can obviously tell it's dearly close to me, I actually cried while writing this poem b/c I had hit that low...and this is of a true account so its good to know that it means as much to others as it does to me. thank you for commenting and opening up to me though we're both yet strangers to one another. though I do feel an unusual connection to you like I've known you for a while already. Its weird. I don't really understand it yet, but I am interested in it. Yes we all have angels, whether we see them or not or whether we recognize them as angels. They are out there and every once and a while when we really need it, they will shine through and give us a smile.
TTYSoon
MarcusMoore
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It's Amazing!
I have to tell you that i was sent here by BKB, when i asked him how to get some advice and comments on my poem(I have only one from a similar experience to your described in this poem), and i am so glad he pointed me in your direction! I dont think I am a poet of sorts and am often feeling unworthy of leaving comments, but this made me cry. I have felt this way and it reminded me so much of my sons father and the things he has said since our son was born! its great...thats all i can say!
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Hey There Ginger
I am so very glad that you were referred to this site and even more so to my page and my poems. When Brian first joined here not too long ago at all I wanted to embrace him the same way I was and try to help him with any questions he might have and basically try to teach him how the site works and what it is used for...growing as a person and as a poet or writer, whichever you prefer. I am deeply honored that he suggested me out of all the poets here b/c sometimes I have doubts about my ability to write. Sometimes I feel I'm wasting my time, and other times I feel there is nothing that could be more right. I cried writing this poem, I cried typing and posting it on here, and I still cry sometimes if I catch myself in an emotional state while reading this. I am sorry it made you cry, but in the context of which you described it, it sounds like they are good tears. I'm glad that you liked what you have read so far and hope to gain you as a fan, as I hope to read some of your work sometime soon as well.
TTYL
MM
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Smile From The Brink.
Hi Marcus. Yepp, sometimes that s all it takes to realign waning optimism and intimately painful despondancy with a reaffirmation of the positive aspects of Life. An excellent subject if I may say, which you handled in a straight forward unadorned use of language.
As the good Mr B. mentioned below it was not ornate and though my own predelictions tend towards (if you haven t noticed) more intricate and less colloquial speech, this does in no way denigrate from your achievement herein.
This was honest and brave - a prerequisite of engaging poetry and a fine fundament for your personal growth and clarity of purpose in writing cathartic verse.
Well done, mate.
Cheers
gG
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this is very touching. sometimes all it takes is one thing that you will miss to prevent you from departing. this isn't too rigid, is well written but not ornate, and flows nicely. if you were looking to share that feeling with others, you have SUCCEEDED.
. Rewarded 4
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This poem screams of brutal honesty and I can see that every word was very carefully chosen to get your message across
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Wow!
This is really good. I really enjoyed the emotion that you put into this poem.
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this poem made me cry, it really hit home for me, i myself was saved by life's little joys, her name is jada and she is my niece, we almost lost her at birth and just seeing her fight for life gave me motivation to keep going, you portrayed beautifully the unconditional love that we get from children in our lives, this poem touched me so much i shed a tear or 2 keep up the great work, i'm looking forward to reading more from you. GREAT JOB~!~
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hey mandie
it's good to hear that you're in a better place now, I myself shed a couple tears writing and thinking about this myself. Still do when I re-read it b/c of how much that moment in my life meant to me and the changes I've made. I'm glad that you liked the poem and I wish you the best in the future. I'll be looking into some of your poems when I'm feeling better, right now I have a headache. Thank you for taking your time to read and leave a comment, it means alot to me and I appreciate it very much. It's always a good feeling to know you're not alone in something you have to go through in life that is rough. Hope to hear from ya again.
TTYL
MM
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Children, especially those close to you have that 'magic' in them. Its refreshing to see an acknowledgment of someone older that someone younger, knowingly or unknowingly, saved his/her life.
This poem is personal, as your author's notes pointed out and i suppose the details are true making it hard for me to be critical about the poem. I enjoyed this poems honesty and its directness. I can imagine how the scene is, i can 'hear' the sentiment in being referred to as 'used to.' The first part of the poem was good, however on the latter part it transitioned from poem to prose. I don't know if that's intentional, but it became a bit rough. Maybe there's a way of starting the last two stanza's differently. The 'then' and 'immediately' made it sound to prose like. I don't know. Im just throwing out random thoughts. Anyhow,congratulations on getting out of that state and for having such a nephew.
-iphios -
I've never heard or experimented with prose poetry before so it's hard to judge this poem as far as if it fits well for that style. Although, after reading your thoughts I have to say it read much like a story and left me wanting to hear more. I like how it presents a mixture of emotions.
"When it came to the point where I didn't
want to live anymore, not in my shoes anyway." ~Depression~
"I started to reflect upon my life.
The things I would miss.
The things I have not yet done.
Typical challenges one faces on the
road that is life." ~Realizations and Desires~
"I was feeling sorry for my piece of
shit self one day, not growing as a person.
Just sucking up positive energy.
A human vacuum cleaner of spoiled shit." ~Anger~
"Watching my baby nephew as he smiles
and laughs everytime I look his way.
He always smiles when I'm around.
I felt happy, normal even." ~Admiration~
"Immediately I realized life is beautiful.
It wasn't about all of the drugs
I could do if I were alive.
Wasn't about the girls I could fuck,
or the money I could make and spend"
~Values and Understanding~
"It was all about love.
My nephew saved my life that day and
I'll never forget his gift to me that day...
A smile that is forever giving." ~Love and Selflessness~
Twas beautiful Dear Sir!! Reminds me of the journey many of us have to go through to realize whats important. And now I just left a mega long comment for you posted with your own writings lol.
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