I've been lost in the spaces between
love and your mystery to me.
The good times are not gone.
I've been in a limbo I can't explain
our happiness, our home.
You take away my troubles,
you fight away my grief.
Stealing away my heartache.
A professional thief.
Naive to believe,
oh, how young.
that she would ever leave,
oh, so dumb.
Don't forget me, I can't hide it
when you call again
it gets me excited.
I've lost it all to you
my everything, that's true.
You tricked me in believing,
you would stay.
And now you are leaving
you're going away
Author notes
about wanting somebody even though they left you, still wanting a connection even if its friends.
In a list
I'd just like an honest opinion...thanks
Comments
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I liked it.My favorite was the second stanza .It flows well and is a piece that surely can transmit emotions. It's just a bit difficult for me to say sth else ,i can't find the right words . But I like it and i think it's nicely done.You know ,it's kind of strange cause i try to write dark poetry ,but in fact my favorite writers are the one that know how to pen true feelings,moments of life. So your style is good too .
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Oh Marcus....
Marcus,
This is a beautiful poem, full of deep and meaningful imagery.
First:
I loved the first and second line of the first stanza, its just beautiful and thought provoking. and the rest of the stanza, a cry for stay and understanding (I think)I loved it.
next:
You take away my troubles,
you fight away my grief.
Stealing away my heartache.
A professional thief.
this really depicts very well the effect that love has on ones reality. It feels as if they cure you of everything that has ever been wrong with you. nicely done
Next:
Naive to believe,
oh, how young.
that she would ever leave,
oh, so dumb.
I really liked the way you switched up the rythm with this stanza but it still flowed well for me. The only thing I would consider possibly doing differently is maybe "never" instead of "ever" I like it either way...not a deal breaker by any means, and that is only if there is not a specific reason for your writing it that way.
Next:
Don't forget me, I can't hide it
when you call again
it gets me excited.
This is a feeling that I think we can all relate to at one time or another. You never want to be forgotten by someone that you loved, and when they call or you see them again those butterflies come back...very well depicted.
Lastly:
I've lost it all to you
my everything, that's true.
You tricked me in believing,
you would stay.
And now you are leaving
you're going away
Having someone that you loved leave you does often make you feel like its the end of all that you know and are, and their leaving, a devastating blow of betrayal.
I am sorry that you had to go through this. This is a poignant poem, very heartfelt, and well written. Thank you for sharing those deeply emotional feelings with all of us!
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I like it. It's something people can relate to.
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Yet, another good poem. I like it but not quite as much as what you posted before. This one is a little more short and simple. Doesn't go as in depth to describe "your" feelings. It leaves the reader with taking "their" feelings and experiences and relating it to the poem. Which is still good but it's nice to see your perception flow out through your words.
Much Love,
LM
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