It seems you have lust for my bleeding,
it's my heart your now defeating.
In my skin you left a hot gash,
you walk away as I slowly turn to ash.
The time we had, why couldn't it last?
It doesn't matter, now it's in the past.
You couldn't understand my cry,
now you tell me to just go die?
I tell you it hurts, but you don't listen,
you can't stop yourself since my blood shows a glisten.
I swear I gave you all the love I could give,
I guess that wasn't enough to let me live.
Did you like the poem?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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Haha, I see why they would hate, I personally avoid letting my parents read anything of mine.
ANYHWO, this is nice. The point is clear and the rhyming, good. You used the wrong form of your, which should be you're (line two). But ohter than that, it's a keeper.
Good luck,
Ashley -
Add angst to your categories.
You have a few grammatical errors. The proper form of the word in the second line is "you're" as in 'you are' with an apostraphe. Contractions, contractions, contractions.... It rhymes, but try to make it flow. You don't have a strong sense of iambic pentameter. Teenage angst. Who broke your heart? Good tone. It is dark.
skipeople
August 16
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