You use that last bottle of wine to
Lubricate your social interactions:
Those long evenings of longer distractions
Spent in pubs wondering what to do
Between waking up and passing out.
But of course you’ll tell jokes, you’ll laugh out loud.
Everybody is making merry, they
Thump the table, thump your back, drink and sway
As they weave through the ever drunker crowd
To reach the bar and hear that drunkard spout
His grievances to, from and by the masses.
He lines up eight pints, eight empty glasses.
Very slowly, but faster as time passes,
He starts to find the solace of the tankard
And to the bar and the bent ears of passers
By his grievances are firmly anchored.
In a list
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I like the title
I thought the rhymes were nicely placed, not too many, just enough to pepper or spice it up, All in all an overall good poem. I liked that it had a little bit of everything in it. Ya don't see that too much with many other poets, they usually just want to get across one theme or one form, so I enjoyed the variety. I also enjoyed the content, Although the he may be a drinker the repetition of an addict never really came through strongly in this. At least I didn't catch it, yea there were hints but nothing strong nor firm enough to diagnose him an addict. That part didn't work that well for me, but it doesnt take anything away from the poem, just doesn't fit the description I think. And if the only thing I have to bitch about is what you wrote as your description of the poem is a good sign. But I do think it could come across stronger if you want to make this man more pathetic, if you want more sympathy I'd describe him as mentally troubled but not challenged...if ya catch what I'm saying. Well those are just my thoughts and opinions, hope you have to time to stop by and let me know what ya think sometime of one of my poems. Don't think I've ever really heard from ya. I have come to like a couple of your poems, at least that's the way I remember it, haven't really made it your way lately. This was featured so...
TTYL
MM
. Rewarded 8
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Loved it!
It really hit home and the words just instantly brought memories to mind that anyone can relate to, i think if you added a little more punctuation though, you can slow your reader down, really make them feel the poem more
. Rewarded 4
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Good write IMO
True to life. I should know, the idea of the opinionated bores is spot on. Frank
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Anotherof your poems that reminds me of days I'd rather forget. But needless to say another fine piece of work.
. Rewarded 4
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The title drew me in.
It describes the subect of the poem well. Unfortunately I can relate to this poem. I've been there, in my past. Not for long periods of time and not frequently but none the less... I like your first stanza. It's a great description of how we sometimes need to be "lubricated" to be social. Your last line is strong. Grievances have a tendacy to grip us and others, especially in that type of situation. Nicely done!
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alcohol is a great subject for writing since it can be written on in so many perspectives.
I very much like the dismissal of the "Let's get drunk and fuck" attitude that predominates so much writing, or the "drink away my sorrows" approach. what's here is something different, more introspective in a way.
not to mention it COULD be a song, the way that it's written.
very nice. my favorite line:
"Everybody is making merry, they
Thump the table, thump your back, drink and sway"
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cheers for the comment, very helpful and i may try it as a song with my band.
its introspection comes from observation in bars and from personal experience, i'm glad that comes across
dcp
xx
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A poets eye.
Refreshing to find a young poet doing some social commentary instead of teenage angst. Good flow, unobtrusive rhymes and engaging material. Good stuff. I enjoyed it, felt I was in the bar with melee you describe. You have a poets eye. Good write. >W<
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