She stirred with some uncertainty as if she didn’t know
How she came to be there in the cold and sodden snow.
Trapped but without borders, she will never express
How much that she is missing in her confused distress.
She shambles through the alleyways in unpleasant dismay,
And she watches, never present, with uncomprehending gaze
Winding up the high streets just to pass away the days
All the people passing by her in completed disarray.
She knows no home to go to, no love or tenderness.
She knows no one to care for her, to take her in tonight.
Night is quickly falling now, and she cannot fight
That mounting fear inside her, that mounting distress.
Flakes fall down from the heavens to chill her beaten brow;
Her slight, unruly figure can’t deal with this now,
So that’s one more lonely wanderer out there in the cold
And that’s one more lonely wanderer never growing old.
In a list
Comments
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Cool!
The story and moral are great! I like the way the story unfolds. You conveyed the sense of her emotional stress building throught the poem nicely. You had me following this poor soul to see what her fate would be. Towards the
end you draw out emotions of pity and sorrow for the fate she is facing. In the last stanza you close her fate
quite nicely. Driving home the moral of the story. All to
often there is no happy ending for a lack of compassion in this cruel world. Of your poems I've read so far this is definitely my favorite. You have some great rhymes in here and a decent rhythm. However you could improve the rhythm by ommitting some of your short words. Example:
She stirred with uncertainty, as if she didn't know
how she came to be there, in the cold sodden snow
Look at lines- 3{but}, 4{that}, 5 replace{the} {,}, 6{?},
7 {away}...Anyhowdy, you get the idea. Take or leave it.
It's still one of my favorites!
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Interesting poem. Its been a while since i read a structured poem. I like how it doesn't come on as forced rhyming. It flows well. The images are clear. You communicate the scene completely well that i was reminded of the little match girl. This poem had poignant parts that echoed through my memories of the story of the said little girl. The last line was a good and subtle way of revealing her death. A good ending for this little story of a poem.
-iphios -
Inspirational
I love this it reminds me of so many things and I love your style of writing.
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