I made you a promise when we were young-
Put my word in a bottle claimed by the lake
With my heart, and weighed by all my love that is yours.
I swore I would never forget those times;
The hot summer in the south when we found ourselves
In each other, and vowed never to loose us again.
Though time has faded like leaves in the changing season,
I recall every moment you and I spent together
Because they are part of me, and you always keep me close.
In that summer in the south, we both were broken.
I ruined your shirt with my hot briny tears
Over another, the first time your arms closed around me.
With the deaths of your loved ones, you lost the will to love.
I broke your spell, and you promised never to break my heart.
We healed together in the pink light of cold mornings,
And forest trails, open fields, cozy rooms in dark houses.
Like two trees, we grew together to reach the sun
And never can be separated without being destroyed.
Love, I cannot leave you because I cannot leave myself.
Understand that we are bound by more than emotion.
Our memories, wins and looses, live more now than ever before.
Look in my eyes and know in my soul that I kept my word
When I promised I would never forget.
It's a work in progress. What do you think?
Comments
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very good!
I hear your words loud and clear, they are full of emotion.
There's a lot to like here, but I would like to see some images, a few more mtaphors maybe. Especially in a poem of this length.
I would re-write certain phrases and lines to show more imagery, like in the closing I might write:when you recieve my bouquets of forget-me nots every year, hold them up to an open window and when the stongest winds dare not blow them away, you will know the strength of my promise to never forget. I find many other places to slip in imagery. But it's your poem. you can use my suggestions or lose them. I hope this helps,
Rich
. Rewarded 8
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