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The Island

You have islanded yourself

From our mundane mainland
Marooned yourself from hurt

Yet also left piece of mind behind.

 

You sacrifice pure happiness

For feeling just alright

This island is a comprimise

A state of neutral paradise.

 

And each moring the shores are washed clean.

Leaving no trace of yesterday's pain.

And you feel nothing.

And you are left unstained.

 

But this place is full of savadges

Fearful and loyal to your beast

And you can't even see you're being smothered

By this terrifying peace.

 

Yet no one is an isalnd

And so the rescuers come

To try and block out the sound

Of the unrelenting drums.

 

And with them they bring fragments

Of life from the real world

But you run for shelter

And their message is not heared.

 

So images like smashed stained glass

Fall wasted on the ground.

And they're beautiful and their blinding

And you bury them in the sand.

 

'Till there's nothing left but the drumming.

And the day the rescueres stop coming.

Please feel free to leave your thoughts.

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Comments


  • marcusmoore silver member
    November 12

    Edit | Reply

    ummmm

    I don't really know what to make of the overall poem or the message of the poem. Or what it means. but there were definitely some good parts in the poem that I liked, but as a whole It just didn't work for me. I thought you had good imagery and that you were well with describing things of course, some small spelling and grammatical errors, but nothing big, people are still able to make out what you mean. The rhythm to the poem wasn't bad, some rough patches but nothing disruptive. But this of course is just my opinion. As for me not understanding the poem, I could have just not got it or missed what you were trying to say or imply. I'm not saying it's bad and I'm definitely not putting you down. I'm just giving you my opinion. I can't really give ya any advice b/c I don't really understand the poem. But I think that you as a writer have talent. You described a lot of things in this poem very vividly and very well. I like the way you phrased some of the lines in here. So I definitely like your writing, just didn't understand this one. thanks for sharing and hope to talk to ya soon.

    TTYSoon
    MM

    . Rewarded 8


  • kep
    November 12

    Edit | Reply
    wow, that is really good, think the imagary is brilliant, and can really relate to parts of the poem. It is truely excellent, and has great flow. Two things though, one is spelling:
    Comprimise – Compromise
    moring - morning
    savadges - savages
    isalnd - island
    heared - heard
    rescueres - rescuers

    the second suggestion I would make is that you change the lines:

    And you feel nothing.
    And you are left unstained.

    to

    And you feel nothing
    You are left unstained.

    To me that flows better, and the use of the word and in both lines kind of dilutes the effectiveness of a brilliant (my favourite) line in the poem. This way there is more emphasis on the fact that they are left unstained, rather than it being a side effect... if you get me?

    Awesome stuff though, I'l be looking through some more

    Kep

    . Rewarded 8