Heaving
The breath is butchered from
Her catastrophic puerility
Salvation situated upon the fruit of some
Unripened apparition
The callow heart is caving
Beneath the ringing bell
of instability
The groan of failed insights
Permeates the rigid closing
of the florid night-wish
The haughty dreamer's romance
Fell callous to the call.
Reviews
-
Where's my dictionary?
I think I would understand this poem better if I was sure of the meaning of the word alteration. Throw my ignorance right out there! I think it's an interaction. Next I would look up the word perulity. Clueless. Sybolisms are often lost on me. I don't know what you were trying to say, but for me it paints a picture of a woman in the middle of a sorid trist. Her salvation depends or depended on some unrealized dream or hope. Yet she gives in because of her lack of strength. Might help if I could look up callow. The fourth stanza suggests all of her failed dreams come to mind as the deal is closed. In the end she performed without feeling. A prostitute perhaps?
. Rewarded 8
-
-
Thanks for the review Brian
Alteration was meant as change so the title is really, "A Passing Change" The poem is really about an interaction between two people.
Perulity means immaturity and it was late when i wrote this so it may be misproperly used grammatically speaking but i think its right.
I meant callow as describing something sickly.
Come to think of it after re-reading the poem after your prostitution comment
I found that to be kind of true. I wasn't litterally writing about prostitution but I was thinking along the lines of a certain individual selling herself short and just trying to appease other people for some shallow reward...prostitution in a way perhaps.
Intersting how other people reveal so much that you don't realize in your own work.
Thanks a ton for reviewing this once again. I appreciate your insight.
-
-
Strange
It took several attempts to read and I think I now know what you were saying. I think this is one of those enigmatic poems where each reader will see something different. In my case I saw a virgin disappointed at her first sexual encounter.
. Rewarded 4
-
It stings
That was beautiful, I wish I could say more apart from that and I'm sorry
September 15