It smells good.
It looks good.
Your hungry.
Mouth watering.
Triangle of food on your tray.
Pay for it.
Walk to a table.
Sit down.
Open milk.
Take a drink.
Pick up triangle.
Take a bite.
Swallow it real quick.
You should have known.
It's school pizza, yuk!
This is very funny, we actually had pizza for school today, eww. Tell me what you think?
Comments
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Ranch Dressing!
This one reminds me of Shel Silverstein's sense of humor! kudos on stringing a heartstrings with school pizza. I hated it too. The only cure is ranch dressing and TONS of it!
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It's been a long time since I tasted school pizza but that brings back memories...bad ones! Good job!
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hey lani
i like the simplicity of this, it looks easy to write like this but it isn't, my only critique is the last word lacked "bite" not that is was bad.
dave -
lol
well when we had pizza for school it was always in rectangular shapes haha. But I still figured out what you were talking about right before I got to the end. I think you could add alot more to this poem though, Like maybe some smells or characters in the cafeteria, like the lunch lady, or even MAN LoL. Think of the fun you could have with those characters. There are sooooo many things you can add to this. A cafeteria has such a wide variety of objects, smells, sounds, food being thrown, you could somehow bring up the brown baggers that kids bring from home. I'm sure ya get the idea by now. But don't overdo it either b/c you don't want to make the poem too lengthy b/c this subject is hard to portray as interesting and appealing to keep the readers' attention span LoL. You'll be amazed after you find out how a couple of small add ons or revisions can make such a huge difference. But like I said, ya don't want to add too much. LoL. I like what you have though, but it just doesn't feel finished. Keep it up though
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