The love I would share with you
it would be something unimaginable
I promise I would give you the world
though i have love few like i love you
I know my love is pure
and is as real as it can get
you are the most beautiful thing i've ever laid eyes on
I love you for who you are
and what you do
your flaws are what make you so damn perfect! :-)
when we would hold hands
I felt like a completely newly improved guy
I had now fears
no regrets
nothing
with you i feel complete
like i know who i really am
I love waking up and seeing you there
when i start my day off with you
i feel i know i can take on the day
seeing your radiating smile directed towards me every morning is enough
but your eyes are what make me melt
they remind me of stars
so precious and relaxing just to look at
im going to be by your side till the end
to make sure youre never upset
i will make it my job to put a smile on your face
i will be there to tell you that you arnt fat, but perfect in every way
then kiss your forehead to show i mean it
you inspire me to be a better person
you are as pure in beauty and mind as they come
im lucky to share my love with you
i know if our destinies intertwined with eachothers it will have massive results
like watching fireworks
or riding a roller coaster
i know itll be amazing when it does finally occur
till then i can only imagine how wonderful the feeling will acctually be when it
does occur
when i look into your eyes
i can see the future
the future where we do come together
and live that happily ever after story in the books
theres unlimited moments of happiness
i wanna grow old with you always by my side
to have kids and a complete family
please take my hand and lets start this future now
so yea...over a year and this is what i get lol...i hope im not too rusty...plz leave comments and let me know how it is :-) i may make changes
Reviews
-
You remind me of one of my best friends boyfriend. He is totally in love with her and has this plan that in five years he'll be in the army and my friend will be living on base with him, staying with the kids. Haha.
Anywho, to the writing. I like it. I personally am not into the whole lovey dovey stuff, but even this appealed to me, so...that's a definite plus.
Good job and good luck,
Ashley
-
Thumbs up!
This is awesome! You were right about how you have a different aspect on how you write. However different, I like your style. It's very romantic and sweet. I wish every guy could write like this! Even without the punctuation and such, it was great. =]
Keep on writing!
-
Talking from the heart
I'm more of a rhythm and rhyme poet so this type of poem is harder for me to follow. It has some nice content though. I would change a few things though. In your second line I would remove the it and change something to simply. The love I would share with you, would be simply unimaginable. In your fourth line I think you meant to say though I have loved few and left off the d. You need to change something on line eleven or twelve. You have {when we would hold hands I felt like} I think it should be {when we held hands I felt like} or {when we would hold hands I'd feel like} but I'm not sure so you might get a second opinion. I'm no expert by far. I like the fact that you tell her you had no fears, no regrets but the nothing doesn't seem to fit. I think you're trying to say no regrets of any kind or type. I like the fact that you compare her eyes to stars. Instead of the are so relaxing just to look at, you might try {gaze into} it's more "poetic". Personally I would change line 28 to something like-I will be there to tell you that you are perfect in every way, and that I love you just the way you are. That removes the refernce that she fat in the first place. Sounds better to me anyway. In line 33 I think it's supposed to be if they intertwine or if the were intertwined. Same line I think there's supposed to be a space between each and others. I like the reference to the fireworks. In my mind I automatically saw - like watching fireworks in the sky, it would be spectacular. The reference to a rollercoaster makes me think of the ups and downs of life. I thought - just as rollercoaster, life has it's ups and downs but what a thrill it would be to ride them out with you. Line 37 actually with only one c. Please don't take this as anything more than suggestions. Lord knows I'm no expert. Feel free to pick some of mine apart sometime.
skipeople
September 5
Edit | Reply