When he was a baby,
he'd just start to cry.
There was nothing wrong with him.
He's mad's the reason why!
When he was a toddler,
he was prone to fits.
He seemed to liked to stomp around,
with tendacies to spit!
When he was a little older,
these tendacies got worse.
He'd hit and kick
Yes, he still spit,
and now he liked to curse!
When he became teenaged,
he'd often get enraged.
such tendacies toward violence,
would put him in a cage!
When he started changing,
from a boy into a man.
He looked into a mirror,
and had to change his plan!
He gathered all his anger,
that he had had before.
He put it in a little box,
and threw it out the door!
He now channels his emotions,
to only use for good.
He treats people nicely,
the way he knows he should!
He's now a different person,
but sometimes late at night.
Memories of emotions,
make him breakdown and cry!
Author notes
I climbed out of my sandbox to write this. Do your worst. Be brutally honest if you like. However, marcusmore if you need to write a book make it a readers digest version. Then if you'd like you can send me a full version at home. Hardy, har, har.
Where's my dictionary?!... Is it tendacies or tedaceis or...? [Reward: double points]
Comments
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I knew the humor would be somewhere...
it was in the notes...lol. I liked it! I think you did a good job!
I liked this stanza a lot:
"When he started changing,
from a boy into a man.
He looked into a mirror,
and had to change his plan!"
I know quite a few young men that can relate and even more grown men that should have had that awakening a long time ago!
Suggestions: As always, only suggestions...
Instead of "Wasn't nothing wrong with him"
Possibly {There was nothing wrong with him"}
I do realize that it makes the line longer and that may be why you didn't do that in the first place.
"He seemed to like stomp around"
maybe {he seemed to like to stomp around} or
{he really liked to stomp around}
or..lol { he seemed to like, stomp around}
Again I liked the age progression, and the fact that it seemed to have a bit of a moral to the story, or at least it did to me! Nice job.
. Rewarded 8
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Thank you, thank you.
I know, I just can't seem to be completely serious can I? As always I not only appreciate you reading but also commenting on my poetry. Your suggestions are always a welcome bonus. I actually "wrote" this while in town running errands and I simply didn't take time to question that little voice that whispered it to me. {There was...} is a better way of saying it. You were on the money with your first variation of your second suggestion. It was what I intended. I had just forgotten the second {to}. I'm glad you saw the moral of this poem as it was intended. Thanks once again.
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