I was watching a bird up in a tree.
I'm sure that he was watching me.
I was sunning in the bright sunlight
thinking that he might take flight.
I let out a loud tomcat cry
thinking that might make him fly.
Sure enough I was right
that pretty bird took to flight.
He circled once then came around
and landed near me on the ground.
He hopped up close without a care
like I wasn't even there.
I waited 'til he came quite near
then purred so loud he had to hear.
He tipped his head from side to side
I yawned and opened my mouth wide.
He chirped at me a time or two
as if to see what I would do.
He hopped up closer, chirped again
as if to say "Hey, let's be friends."
I watched him close, a moment or two
then I decided what I should do.
Quicker than you ever saw
I pinned him down with one big paw.
It was over just like that...
after all I am a cat.
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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WOW.......
Your rrrrreallllllllyyyyyyy..... like ryhming. Seriously, u like it. Your poem included a good event. And even though you didn't express alot of EMOITIONAL FEELINGS.... , the ryhmimg supported it. But at the end it really killed me in the heart, dude. You killed the bird. HOW CRUEL!!!!!!!!!! LET THE SHAME OF THE WORLD BE IN YOU!!!!! LOL!!!!!
. Rewarded 6
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Yes, my inner poet loves to rhyme.
He does it all the time.
I guess I think it's fine.
Now as to this little poem
and the heartache you are growin'
here's a simple fact
the character's a cat.
Now it's a natural fact
that cats will do just that!
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You got me too!
Well you got me too! I could see a little boy ( or me) making sounds like a cat to scare a bird into flight so that did not at all ruin it for me. I thought it was wonderful as usual!
I personally think that it flowed well, and the whole poem is just the way it should be, I have no suggestions for revision. You have done it again, it seems that you got me Under The Bridge, with the Pretty Bird. Fabulous!
. Rewarded 8
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Oh Goody.
He, he, he. I'm so glad I got you, I was so trying to. Keep reading and I might get you again. Nice imagery yourself young lady. I'm smiling Now.
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Aww,
It didn't show the whole comment I put.... -
Soo cute!
I really like it. It's cute! Good imagergy -
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Thanks.
I'm glad you liked it. It's ok it didn't show your whole comment (I'm not sure why not.) but it's the thought that counts.
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You succeeded
I didnt see it coming.I feel ten again!!! Charming poem. -
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Yeah!
I like that. I think it's a fun little poem. They don't all have to melt your mind do they? I feel ten...when I'm feeling mature.
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the tomcat and the purr gave you away
again, you don't disappoint, bri...i love this piece as well...but, unlike the others before me...wasn't quite surprised with the ending...sorry...i know you wanted to achieve something else...but, needless to say, i like this very, very much indeed!
. Rewarded 4
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Even if I couldn't surprise you...
I'm glad you weren't dissapointed. What can I say you can fool everyone all the time. Thank you for the compliment.
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hahaha. cool ending
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Thank you. It was suposed to be a surprise.
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don't i fee stupid!
a cat!
it was told through
the eyes of a cat!
I have to applaud
you for that.
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< You may not realize it...
but that was a wonderful compliment! You see you weren't supposed to see it coming. I was trying to make it seem as if a little boy was the one telling the story. I honestly didn't know if I pulled it off. Thanks, I'm smiling now. -
ha!
i love the ending. its great. even though you said "i let out a loud tomcat cry" i didnt see it coming. wow im an idiot.
the only thing, i dont like the inconstant rhythym.
but i like it the poem alot!. Rewarded 4
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You probably didn't guess this...
but that was the best compliment you could have given me on this poem. I was trying to tell the story to make it sound as if a little boy was the one watching the bird. So for you to say you didn't see it coming was actually saying I sucedded. I know the rhythm is inconsistant but sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Thanks again.
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