Give him all the astuteness that he can work on
A steadiness he can retain
He is as good as a diamond by heart
Make him sharper than ever
For he deserves all the very best in life
The crisis he is going through
Is a testing strand for him
Let him pull in the right one and win
For he never knew to lose
His humbleness and compassion
Stands beyond the test of time
Forgive him o lord for he is innocent
He cant bear this pain
Nor can I
Avail him your support
He needs it all
He is my emperor he is my prince
I cannot see him fall
Let him get up and stand again
For his hard work cannot go in vain..
Comments
-
Like the title. Inspirational.
I like the fact that this appeal is for someone else rather than yourself. It shows your compassion for this person. One of your children perhaps. This impression is from line twelve. I like the meaning of lines nine and ten, though
at first I misread it and thought it should be {never lose his} after reading it a few times and straining my brain (I'm very tired) I realized (I think) that you meant never to loose it. He never learned to show humbleness and compassion. Personally I would split some of the longer lines up. That would make it easier for reader to take in and digest. Other than that I wouldn't change
a thing. I'm curious why you don't have it in any categories. Nice poem.
. Rewarded 8
-
-
Thanks for those thoughtful observations and sorry about that extra strain you had to put on your brain..I realized when I reread its a pain indeed..I most of the times write in like the breeze and never look back..Nothing wrong though as long as it is legible, yet its always sane to do a simple proof reading that would have avoided the chaos..however..now that I have done it all with some paragraphing as well..I think should help in making the reading more easy and comprehendible
Thanks again for those constructive comments..
-
-
Prayerful
Very thoughtful, beautifully put together.
-
-
Thanks Robin
-
Adding your comment:
