Crashing, my precious jewel
Burning, sacred of cornerstones
His eyes lasering in my wounds
"Let's see how your earnest
Prayers work now!"
My heart's put under
A hammer, thrown beneath
raw, cold meat dusted
With flint, tossled into
Terrifying torrents of temperatures
Regrets of my boldness
Murder me in my sleep
"Keep quiet, stupid girl!
Cast to your shadows!"
Tried to cast my cloak
But its layered with bricks,
My burdens which I'm buried
Beneath, They're pushing my eyes
To the backest of my sockets
Nothing to fear, it's written
In the most powerful of
Scripts, Love should have
Kept me afloat
Titanic, here I come
Reviews
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Where did this come from?
The inner workings of your mind leave me bewildered. Such deep thoughts for such a young lady. What insperation brought this spilling forth from you? MY favorite lines are the last three of the first stanza. I also like the entire third stanza although I don't picture you having so much boldness that it shall condemn you. Do you have such burdens as to be buried beneath them. I can't imagine so, though I truely can't say. I do Not picture as a Titanic but rather as an Arc. These things make respect this peice more. It is often much easier to write from experienc than imagitation, for me at least. I see one line that I would have split. Though it looks as if you are following a set form since all the stanzas have five lines except the middle which has four. This was an interesting way to convey the struggle of a soul for Salvation verses Damnation.
Well Done.
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thanks, yeah, you have to understand that teenagers are pressured and put under a whole lot more stress than teens years ago. i'm at a breaking point where i don't think i'm gonna get very far, cuz i can't get a job, we're not rich, am i gonna make it to college?, this teacher wants me on this committe and that teacher wants me to tutor, and im a girl who can get very dramatic every now and then like most. i was really upset one night cuz i felt physically and mentally weighed down. part of it was experiece and part was imagination
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This is deep and powerful. It is an excellent piece of work, keep it up.
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Nicely Honed
If I had to peg this poem it would be this. A passionate person attempting to contain a stream of conciousness into a thought. Well done I might add. I always enjoy reading your work.
. Rewarded 4
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Truly monumental
Reading the title at once I actually thought you should have been inspired by John Milton's "Paradise Lost"..Now after rereading the lines I feel like I am reading a perfect bold romantic who seem to be constantly mending her heart and mind in Love..I loved the figures of speech you used in the poem right from the inspiring lines in the begining until the terrifying torrents of temperature... beautifully compiled and thoughtfully traced..very artistic..
Cheers
RhythmDivine
September 23