In early years my mind was filled,
with helplessness and rage.
I kept myself from growing up,
constructed my own cage.
I knew no other notion then-
the torrents in my prison.
The friends I made in early years-
were nary not but visions.
Puberty then grasped my mind,
and filled it with despair.
I was Tantalized and taunted,
by the flips of female hair.
Distracted by the torments-
given by the fairer sexes.
I forgot my troubled woes;
discarded all my vexes.
The songs sung in my fantasies-
had changed their frightening tone.
I then felt blinded by the tempts-
to create her gentle moan.
My lips were sweetened by my first,
a match that seemed immortal.
My cage had turned to submarine-
my bars were now a port hole.
I sank into the drink of dark-
filled with ironic thirst.
No love could ever hurt as much-
as surely did the first.
From the bottom of this blackened sea-
I tried to find my other.
I toiled so topsy turvy-
in the search for my new lover.
The beast within me grew again-
it seemed to sprout much stronger.
I seeked and sought my second soul-
to bear this load no longer.
I learned to never trust again,
my heart just couldn't take it.
To keep emotions hidden deep,
my soul began to fake it.
I floated out for many years-
just drifting far from home.
Determined to define myself-
while writing my life’s tome.
I finally stopped searching-
for my life's eternal pairing.
I decided to starting mending up,
watering bridges and repairing.
But when I stopped the hunting-
for the love that's meant to be.
I came across another soul-
who was perfect for me.
She understood the beast inside-
and taught it to be tame.
She saw the world through my eyes-
and I did just the same.
She shared my anguish with me-
and lured away the sorrow.
She made me glad to live today;
excited for tomorrow.
I write now in the hopes that-
I too can help her heal.
Without her happiness complete,
my whole life seems surreal.
I long to live my life with her-
she pulled me from the deep,
Her beauty and her tenderness-
have put my beast to sleep.
Tickle?
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I don't know what to say .This poem is really beautiful and i liked it. Sorry for not being able to say much .
~Feb~
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Whoa...
That was a really amazing poem. I was just into it the whole time I was reading it. I'm ADHD so sometimes I get distracted when reading something, but this one really kept my attention. It was very beautifully written. And I love the way you ended it.
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Thank you
That means a lot to me. This poem was one my more passionate pieces. Thank you for investing the time to read and comment on this poem.
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Agreed
This poem is so relate-able without even a hint being generic.
It made me cry, it truly moved in my soul.
Love is such a powerful experience.
Kudos!
Shalom
Carly
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Missed you
You seem to be intermittent lately. I miss you and your posts! Thank you for reading this and commenting on it. It was a fun piece to write for sure. -
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I posted...
yesterday..."Heaven"
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Good job
One of your best efforts, I think. There are a couple of technical issues, but we'll discuss them. Nothing serious, though. It really embodies that search to find true love.
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Thank you
Its interesting how each person has a different favorite. I am glad you liked this piece.
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wow
This is a beautiful poem.
It is so gorgeous, I got totally emersed ( I can't spell that word ) into the poem.
I love the words you used and the ways you put them together!
celticsoul
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I loved writing this one
It was definately one of my more passionately inspired pieces. Thank you for reading it.
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Upon a second read...
I'm not sure why I was left so confused the first time. I see now the search for your soulmate was the goal the entire time though it appears the beast of lust kept rearing it's ugly head. The tortures of this search took such a toll on you that you quite looking and only then did you find what you needed all along. This is a wonderful poem for hopeless romantics like me.
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What can I say....
This poem is so beautifully laid out! I love the progression and the detail given to each of the lines and stanzas. Even though you didn't take a lot a space up to cover those times and events, you painted them so clearly.
“Puberty then grasped my mind,
and filled it with despair.
I was Tantalized and taunted,
by the flips of female hair.”
I thought that this was just great, and such an accurate description.
"I sank into the drink of dark- >Wow!
filled with ironic thirst.> again Wow!
No love could ever hurt as much-
as sure doth did the first."
This is something that i think a majority of people can relate to, I loved it!
"She shared my anguish with me-
and lured away the sorrow.
She made me glad to live today-
and excited for tomorrow."
this speaks so accurately about the feeling that love can give...they can make you forget the pain you have felt, and yearn for the next encounter...well done!
"I long to live my life with her-
she pulled me from the deep,
Her beauty and her tenderness-
has put my beast to sleep".
What an ending!!!!! This poem has it all! It takes you down a journey through adolescence, puberty,lust, it shows the creation of the beast, the reaction to first love lost,the need we all have to replace what we have lost, the search for yourself , the meeting of your love, the effect that love can have, and the death of the beast! This is as complete as they come, you have covered so much ground here and done it so eloquently, just a fantastic write, and a pleasure to read!
. Rewarded 8
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I don't know what to say
I am honored by your words! Thank you so much for taking the time to analyze it so. Nothing is more rewarding then the appreciation of someone who understands. It meant a lot to me to read this comment today. Thank you.
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hey Enoq
this was very impressive that you could sustain the rhyme and meter so well and for so long and not be reduced to gibberish, but still manage to tell a coherent story, reminds me of the epic classics we read in school, like The Ancient Mariner, while this isnt my normal reading anything this well done deserves it props.
dave. Rewarded 6
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Thank you
I felt this one a lot
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You show measurable versatility in your work, however this one surprised me, it,s as if you deliberately wrote it for incurable romantics and teenage girls who,i`m sure,will love it.
Bring back Enoq!!!
. Rewarded 4
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Well...
After I dove in I began grasping desperately for my dictionary life presever. Even then I was left a little Obfuscated. -
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=D
Not sure if that is a compliment but to be honest I am not here for compliments. I am impressed that you are dumbfounded however because your comments are usually quite detailed. Again not sure if that is good or bad. I always write using rules. This one has a few mathematical rules a few redundancy rules and some rules that only I would understand. I only shared it on the off chance that someone else might get something out of it. -
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On my comment to Spade.
It wasn't really meant to be either in particular. That's what I got out of it though. That you weren't here for praise. It's the large words that get me. I'm a simple man and with your considerably extensive vocabulary you leave me at a loss for understanding. Even using my electronic dictionary it was difficult for me to put it all together. However did the poem not make reference at the end to the confusion of the reader or was I just confused?
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