I met an old man in the park one day
when I sat down beside him, he said to go play.
At first I thought that he was real mad
then I decided he was just sad.
I pretended to fart and that made him smile
we both held our breath for a little while.
To my surprise he then passed real gas
it was quite stinky and mad us both laugh.
We sat there in silence for quite awhile
didn't do anything but sit there and smile.
When I told him I was going to go play
he gave me a wink and said I'd made his day.
I see that old man every now and again
I just hold my nose and that makes him grin!
[Reward: double points]
Comments
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UH.....
Are old people REally that stupid? I mean are they really taht discusting? YUK!!! I liek your ryhming. But maybe at the last word which is "grin", i think it would better if you change it into some word besides 'grin' because it breaks the strong word and it messes up the poem. Anyways, old people are really dum-dums. BUt I like your poem. WHy are soo goood? I'll beat or beet you someday, just wait. GRrr....
. Rewarded 8
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Thanks
I'm glad you enjoyed the rhymes. They come naturally to me. Well to be honest I just don't know what else I would use so I think I'm going to have to leave it. Thanks for trying to help though. You would say I'll get good and I'll {beat} you someday. Beet is the food. I sure hope you don't beet me. Good luck with your writing.
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Well done Brian! It was cute and funny. No I don't think you need to break the lines down further. It was great as it is!
The old man sounds like my dad, not the old part, but the gas part, that totally relates to my dad, sadly, because he will stink up any place any where at any time!
Anyways, great job, as always!
Hope.. Rewarded 6
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Thank you
For the compliment and for being the second to answer the question about breaking down the lines. I appreciate both. I hear you on the Dads being able to stink up the place. My dad used to find great humor when I was little in waiting till everyone was piled into his old truck to "break a seal" as he called it. Talk about your deadly gases. Of course, I'm a dad now so...
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So Simple
LOL! Funny and sweet at the same time. well done Brian -
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Thanks
Sometimes it's the simple things in life that bring such pleasure.
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I just love it!
I agree with Grace, this one made me laugh from only the preview. I just love it. Its a typical old man and little boy interaction, and if this didn't happen it definitely could have. I think that it is wonderful the way it is, if I were to break it down I would go no further than two line stanza's for each line you have here, but as you said to me, I really don't feel as though you need to change anything at all. Great work...Again!
. Rewarded 8
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That's two comments I somehow didn't reply to in time.
Now it won't let me rate it. I'm sorry. That points fairy better come see you soon. Thank you for the compliment, and your opinion I appreciate it. All I'll say is Eeeewwww...stinky!
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hahaha! way to make somebody's day!
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Whatever works...
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