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A heavy and damp chill defined the morning; moisture permeated from the fog as a fine mist. The brittle, brown summer grasses flourished lush and green in the abundant mid September showers. As I drove I noticed that Monet effectively transformed the leaves and branches of the passing trees into an artist impression along the highway. Puddles splashed inside the metal of my wheel wells like the rumble of a timpani drum. The shinning black tires in front of me captured the frothing water in their tread, and then released it as a manic slithering wake. I exited the highway and came to a stop light; the rain fell like tears from the needles of a blue spruce. I listened to a stampede on the roof of my car as mist turned to rain. |
Reviews
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it's a poem
but the way that you have it written here, at least to me, looks or makes it feel/sound like prose writing to me. Which I don't really have much knowledge about so I can't say anything really criticial about it, but the content was good. I thought you had good imagery, I've always loved the word "permeate" so ya got me there LoL. Ummm Monet's also another one that I liked, I'm a big fan of paintings and has recently fallen in love with them. Manics are always fun and the rain falling like needles was good, a nice description of the mist that can come before rain which is appropriately the title. Must have been some heavy rain for it to be a stampede LoL JK, all in all a good poem. I liked it, just thought the format or form you wrote it in could be better poetically, but if you just want to tell a story you've accomplished that, poetically however. Thanks for sharing. And Leinenkugels is a very good beer GOOD JOB!! SUPPORT WISCONSIN BEER MAKING WITH GREAT BEER LIKE LEINIES, GOOD TASTE AND CHOICE IN BEER. CONGRATS ON THAT AS WELL LOL.
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I agree it is more poetic, I just have a hard time fitting everything I am trying to say in a sentence that is less than the width of the page. sometimes my rhythm is staccato enough for that to work, but mostly it is not...so I don't bother shortening it up. Thank you for the compliments, and you got it on the Lienies beer, that summer shanty brew was great
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marcusmoore
October 3