My life reminds me of my car
or vice versa
When my car was brand new
it seemed perfect.
I guess you could say the same
about my childhood.
When I was a boy I couldn't
wait to be in the drivers seat.
Now I realize if you're driving
you have to pay for the gas.
When I was a teenager
I had no fear and
drove as fast as I wanted
not worrying if I could stop.
Now that I'm older
it takes too much effort
to get going fast enough
to worry about stopping.
When I was a young man
my views, ideals and opinions
were like that brand new windshield
Very clear...and easy to see through.
Now they are both most certainly
tinted by the dirt I have encountered.
Many of my relationships were like my brakes.
They would start out fine enough
but eventually they would start to grind.
Then it was time for another change.
My upholstery reminds me of my nerves.
Both are wearing thin and getting frayed.
My dashboard is like my sanity
both are likely to crack any day now.
My paint job and my dreams
have both faded very badly.
I'm sad to admit this but
I'm not sure if my rearend sags more
or if my cars does.
I also hate to say this out loud but
the exhaust from both of us could kill.
All my chrome is a lot like my wit
they both seem to get a little duller by the day.
My memory and my transmission have a lot in common
they both slip badly from time to time.
Trying to open the trunk is like my sex life
unless you wiggle the key just right you're out of luck.
Oh well I guess I should be thankful...
at least I'm not as bald as my tires.
Author notes
Still playing on the neighbors playground so dig as much as you like it's not even my lawn.
[Reward: double points]
Comments
-
This is good brian
I really like the way that you start out with a humorous storyline, then moving into the more obvious comparisons…
I really liked this
“Now that I'm older
it takes to much effort >>>>should this be too?
to get going fast enough
to worry about stopping.
This is so true!
I loved the way you progressed from a child, to teenager, to an adult; showing the mentalities throughout the journey. I thought the car was a wonderful subject to compare life with, as they have lives of their own as well. This was lighthearted and funny as usual, even in another’s playground you manage to stay true to your own style…that is wonderful!
I actually like the Title, I think that it might work better if you incorporated it into the poem I would start with the line that reads:
“ Many of my relationships were like my brakes.”
{ My relationships/ like my brakes.}
“My upholstery reminds me of my nerves.”
{ My upholstery/ my nerves.}
Just a suggestion, I love it just the way it is, I was just thinking in reference to the title how it could serve the poem better and visa versa. I don’t know of another title that would accurately represent the poem more than the one you already have.
I also loved the way that you ended the poem with
“Oh well I guess I should be thankful...
at least I'm not as bald as my tires.”
Showing, that you have one up on the car so to speak…lol
Great job as usual!!!
. Rewarded 8
-
-
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
It didn't really strike me as all that poetic in the usual sense that I think of as poetry but I'm willing to try new styles. I did find the comparisons themselves rather poetic. You were right about {to} being {too}. I had missed that somehow. I like your suggestion on using the /, but I haven't decided for sure if I want to. It's in the possibility bin. Just thought I'd let you know... I'm not really balding at all. Just turning a little white here and there.
-
Adding your comment:
