I have an outline drawing
of you
just a silhouette
a suggestion
so much I don't know
but can't forget
you don't want to let me
yet I know you
and one day
I'll fill that outline in
with colours
I'll use my best felt-tipped pens
try not to let the inks bleed
outside the lines
but I doubt
that I'll succeed
.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Applaud
Another one of your fine poems. The illustration is perfect. Witty. Clever. Fills me with delight.
Birdie -
Metaphortastic!
I love the metaphors for the drawing and the coloring and going outside the lines. It was a small succinct piece that stayed on topic and had some great alliterations. Good job!
language: 5, rhythm: 2, subject: 5, tone: 2, form: 4.
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Thanks for the positive feedback Enoq. Much appreciated. >W<
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hey john
a good extended metaphor that wasnt' extended too long so thats its a strech and drawn out so even an average reader can understand the layers of meaning.
i think sometimes people are better off just knowing the outline.
dave -
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Hi Professor. Yep, I know whatcha mean. Thanks for your thoughts >W<
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I love this, I think it's a perfect way to explain it, and anyway I just love this. Great poetry, keep writing!
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Thank you cee, I will! >W<
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Nice,like this a lot,its hopeful and realistic..."so much i dont know but cant forget" stands out for me.I`m left hoping you succeed,girls will love this,i think.If i was a girl and you wrote this for me i`d probably give you one.
Bye.
R.
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Spot on.
Hi R. Glad you picked out those lines, they are the central conceit that 'came' to me around which the rest of the poem is built. As for your good wishes, alas I'd be in no position to accept 'one' ! Ha Ha. But thanks anyway! >W<
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