Share Poetry Critiques Poetry       Forums       Freewrite       Store      

Down, down, down.


I miss my father. I miss my mother.
And my sisters, and my brother, John,
who called only once a couple years ago,
on my birthday.
Asking me the contemporary,
'How old are you, now?'
Merely because he didn't know
but wanted to get along.


It's just the holidays, they provide me
with irate longing
and my friends feel like havens that hide
and protect me from icy waves.

It's like the waters bear the shaky and icy truth.
The depths know and sound out my name,
a foreign tone to them.

I believe I have known love,
and the silvery slinky shadow it prefers to wear;
the gentleman callers and doll-faced affairs
but what I'd like to know, what I need to know,
is the love that comforts without being asked.

One that understands not of my ache
but of what I cannot let pass.


    : , Your review:
    (Check spelling) (Upgrade to gold for rich text editing)

    Suggestion: Point out your favorite and least favorite parts. Which areas sound awkward? Use line numbers.
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0.?

    :

    Just a comment, not a review? Opt out of getting points
    • Sharepoetry is always about constructive feedback, please include suggestions.

Comments


  • rhetorica gold member
    December 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A very skilful piece of writing thats sad but doesn`t exude desperation or self-loathing
    Anyone that reads this and isnt moved in some way cant have any compassion,I sincerely hope you find that person who can understand what you cannot let pass

    loved this work
    bye
    Rhet


    • Saraesa
      December 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hey, Rhet. Thanks for commenting on this, I'm glad you seem to see this for what I meant it to be. I appreciate your input, it's always good to receive.

      Kristin