Superman captured the dawn
of a beautiful day
and made it his own
he wrought it
into krypton steel
and made a car
that he could drive
to work each day
so folk could see
that he had
and was doing
a good job
.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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hey john
sorry but i'm backing Taylor. Superman is a symbol of...well being super. Maybe like Neitzhes's uberman or actually I think Neitxhes did have a superman he called superman, like we should all strive to be Supermen. but the comic book is travial why not write on cutting and stuff.
dave -
Ok chill it. You are getting way to far into this. It doesn't say immature it says mature. And everyone makes mistakes. What I mean by incorporating by using symbolism is buy not using so many things from the story. Or wherever this little poem came from. It's like you copied this from the book and put it in a more creative way. And frankly, WHO GIVES A CRAP ABOUT SUPERMAN! Grow up. Look at what you did. You created an arguement with a 15 year old. About critiCism. Your head is too big for your shoulders. And I'm blocking you.
Good day.
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superman sux.....BATMAN FOR LIFE.....hahahahaha....
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This site is for mature people that like to share poetry and get feedback good and bad. Don't tell me it is right up my street because you don't know me. 15 year olds are just as good as how ever old you are. You should accept all critisism whether you like it or not and say thank you I will consider. If you can't handle people giving you opinions on your poetry, you shouldn't be on here, Mr. Superman.
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Welcome to Sharepo
Hey Taylor, just so's we're clear. I assumed you were immature (and would therefore like 'kid story book')because you clearly have NO idea what you're reading or what you're talking about and your off-hand suggestion that I 'incorporate' some random feature that shot off the top of your head before you'd engaged your brain (if indeed you possess one) confirmed it. I mean what exactly does 'you can incorporate Superman with symbolism' mean? Have you the faintest idea? You've dug yourself a deeper hole now by using 'immature' when you meant 'mature' (but hell, 'immature' is bigger so it must be better, right?) and spelling criticism 'critisism'. I see you've been around here a whole two days. Way to go with the handing out dogma and fucking up on your critiques! Welcome to Sharepo. >W<
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Be more original.
You can incorporate Superman with symbolism.
This is too little kid story book.
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Glass houses
Hey Taylor. Little kid story book? Sounds like it should be right up your street. Cop on to yourself. >W<
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hey w
i agree with cat catt this is so shallow if superman dove into ithe'd break his neck. I challange you to go deeper, maybe into Superwomen.
dave -
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Lex Luthochs?
I like your way of thinking. Would you like to audition as my evil nemesis?
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wait... seriously? this is unbelievably shallow. i challenge you to go deeper.
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Serious?
One of the problems with the written word is its inability to convey inflection. You ask am I serious. I return the question. I can hardly believe you are, but if so, DO expand a little on what makes you say this is 'shallow' and I will give you a detailed response. Cheers. >W<
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i wish i was superman
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Me too. My car sucks.
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