the moon fell in love
with the Earth
because she was so beautiful
every night he shone and sang
his moonsong
circling
like a shy predator
afraid to draw near
but it was no good
The Earth appeared never
to hear
one night
an old grey wolf
stepped out on a ridge
listening to the moon
the wolf was a poet
and sang the moon's song
to the world
but she just sighed
said it wasn't meant to be
and kept turning
the moon was left yearning
and the wolf
went back to his poetry
.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hi Windhover. I loved this poem. It reminded me of old folk tales and legends and had a nice atmospheric feel about it. Some people tend to think they have to use fancy words, that more often than not, turn the reader off the poem rather than make it more interesting...This was simplicity at it's best
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I liked it
My only criticim would be about the transition i.e. 'one night' it kind of hokey and is a very sudden transision.
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what i liked about this poem was its simple and beautiful no
fancy words big metaphors i felt like i was in the poem listening to the wolf sing -
A Howl for more
Like you illumination of love and its metaphor. Yet fleeing as waves crest a distant shore. Thank you.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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hey john
simple yet powerful, sort a of mood piece, old as the world itself and pure, something the reader might linger on long after they've read it.
dave -
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Losing it
Hey Ochs, can't believe I missed this comment or how nice it is. You losin' it or something? Whatever, thanks a lot! >W<
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Hey John - This immediately put me in mind of american Indian folk tales, but with the added twist of the wolf-poet. The internal rhyming works well. One nit is with "never" in "the earth appeared never / to hear." Maybe "not" or "appeared unwilling / to listen." The rest of it moves right along. Cheers, MJ
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Bumps
Hey Richard, sorry I neglected to reply to this very nice comment. I'll give that suggestion some thought, I do agree it 'bumps' a little. Thanks again. >W<
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I like everything about this except for "Old Girl"... It just didn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem. It was like the voice was different or something.
This one makes me wish I'd written it.
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Thanks
Hello, Elusive One. Since you're the second person to point that out I reckon it needs changing. Thank you. >W<
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