A notion sped
fluttering like a raven
across my consciousness
it said
awake
there's life you're missing
chances you could take
your happiness is boredom
a mistake
at once uneasy
I arose to chase
the phantom darkness of this shapeless bird
to give its insubstantialness a face
to try to put its murmurings to words
I plumbed its tumbling
down the darkest well
and wondered if the echoes I had heard
might lead a man to Heaven
or to Hell
became infatuated with the bird
and at the bottom
where the water pooled
my own reflection darkly stared at me
a daring heart?
or just a bloody fool
who chased a bird
where no winged thing should be?
and looking up
I saw the sunlight stream
the pleasant day that I had left behind
was it
or was the wishing well the dream?
did darkness
or the daylight make me blind?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Best poem i have read in ages,such a difficult subject to write about without making a fool of yourself yet you have excelled here. i believe that some questions cannot be answered yet we continually ask them..i wonder why?
you have always exhibited, in a philosophical sense, a great deal of "basic self knowledge" in your work and it shines through in this piece,
"or just a bloody fool
who chased a bird
where no winged thing should be?"...i love that
the fact that you pose this question and others tells me that you are not in the slightest bit blind
thanks for sharing this fine piece Wind
rhet
i quit the yellow fellas,i use the ratings instead now
bye
language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
-
This is incredible. I love it.
Birdie
language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 4.
-
A well sustained metaphor, a bird flying down a well
Reminds me of the wind-up bird chronicle by Haruki Murakami
" became infatuated with the bird" doesn't seem to fit in terms of flow and sense
otherwise the depiction of perplexed
experience is very recognisabl
-
wow. that was incredible. i'm speachless. really, great job.
-
hey W
this is really phenomenal, had a real Poe like feeling to it, eerie, mysterious, prophetic, profound, engimatic, take a bow on this one.
dave -
-
Cheers
Hey Doc. I'm particularly pleased you like this, maybe because I didn't think it would be your cup of tea at all, what with all the rhyming meter and stuff. You used some pretty fancy words to applaud it and thank you for that. I'm chasing a very elusive feeling here, but one I've encountered many times and one I hope most people will relate to. I was pleased with my effort to approach something I'm pretty sure can't be nailed down, so your compliments are even more welcome than usual. Thanks. >W<
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
