Is this my son
whose opening eyes dissolved me into dust;
whose grasping hands reached out to feel
the newness of his life.
And touched my heart the second that his breath
inhaled the air,
that kiss, that moment in his eyes,
that first did see me there.
He looked at me in wonder through
the beauty of those eyes...
and mine looked back in mystery
and clouded up with tears;
and promised then, as promised still
to hold his heart in mine,
through darkest days that lie ahead..
my son will always shine.
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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awwww=]
i love this poem. its very heart warming. my favorite part is "and promised then, as promised still
to hold his heart in mine,
through darkest days that lie ahead..
my son will always shine
i like this part because it seems very peronal, like that little part is dedicated specifically to him
very nice poem=]
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Thanks mssbaker, I'm glad you liked this poem as it was one that I wasn't sure about for awhile...and nearly didn't submit...so thanks for the nice comments
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You just keep doing'it
Again, your subject is strong and uplifting--the most powerful of human emotions, but handled smoothly, almost calmly--and done with a rhythmic sequence that demands the reader continue--- I have one question--- did you intend to question whether it is your son, or did your finger slip, as mine often does----You're on a roll, man, keep doing it-------oldherm
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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Hey Oldherm..good to see you I was unsure about using punctuation at that point. I wasn't questioning whether he was my son...just in awe and almost speaking aloud. I get confused by punctuation sometimes, as it doesn't always quite fit how I intend it to read. Maybe I'm just ignorant and need to go back to school.
So glad you commented on this though as I always look forward to your comments. Thank you. Hugs to all, and a woof to maguphee.
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Your Welcome. God Bless!
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Loved this part
"through darkest days that lie ahead..
my son will always shine."
That was beautiful.
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Thank you Chosen for your kind comment.
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Amazing
That was remarkable! You have a beautiful way of drowning the reader in your words and making them see what you see. I love it!
My fav. part:
"He looked at me in wonder through
the beauty of those eyes...
and mine looked back in mystery
and clouded up with tears.."
Power to the pen,
-Jas.
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Thanks jas, your comments are most welcome and always encouraging
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Callman, lovely honey, this was very sweet.
T x
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Thanks Talulah, glad you liked it. x
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Wow,
this is great!
You have a way of descrbing things to the reader
and love that about you!
You've done it again callman another great write
You are now officially one of my favorites great job
Your pal,
maya
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Hi maya..I'm honoured. Thanks a lot for those comments
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beautiful
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Thank you anya
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Success!
Another great write callman! The way you describe such a simple thing, a child being born. It captures a fathers amazement. Most people say a father isn't really a father until he see's his son for the first time. You've captured that in this poem! I love the promise. Nobody ever wants to see the children fall. Great job!
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thanks hoovern. I really appreciate that, as some people might feel it's a bit cliched. I'm so glad you liked it. Thanks again.
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Sometimes the best poems are those of the "cliche" type. Don't let people label you. Keep writing the way you do!
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Thanks again, for the encouragement to carry on regardless
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