Can't stop the present,
Can't change the future.
Regret all my past,
and live at my leisure.
So what if it hurts,
when the blade finds its victim?
Why should I care,
if you just can't convince them?
“stop it!” you'd scream
and it just adds to the pleasure
warm blood spills over
and I'd cherish the treasure
the liquid flows slowly down your neck,
to your chest,
the end slides even quicker than
all of the rest.
The last thing you say is only a faint
sighing sound heard,
a laugh emanates through your teeth-
then its over.
What do I care if you cried and you begged-
what do you care, next is your family instead.
How can I improve this?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Interesting.
It's dark, but not like the kind of poetry that makes your heart weighed down, know what I mean?
It has wonderful verses, and I like it very much, though. =)
language: 5, rhythm: 3, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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thats pretty dark man. i could make some metal guitar playing to go along with it haha. thanks for the comment by the way. i like the flow
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Hey Zak,
Well written but I got a weird Friday the 13th slasher movie feeling to this one.
Take care
Bill
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this is just incrediblee!!
i loved how you used very simple feelings and words to describe the whole problem or scene...this is very touching and sweet
you have to be known ..you have to be heard
iam nothing to tell you that BUT this is true
neve regret your past..all the past was worth living once upon your life ...you own scenes...your own mistakes...the ones you didnt learn from and the one you learned from..the people you met
the things you did..never ever regret your past..it is just the thing that gathered you until you arrived to this moment..be grateful on everytthing poets like you know many things about life and iam sure you have moments of your past that you are at least a lttle bit proud of from inside..(this was just a quote for anyone who reads this peom)
but the poem iswonderfully written as yu wrote it really showing a tpe of sadness in life when you are just unable to do something....
but could i know what it is talking about...
you are an excellent poet ..
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lol, that's funny. you are so smart! I actually had no intention for this to mean what you think of it, but poetry is all perceptual. I'm glad that my poem appealed to you so outstandingly and thank you for the comment, but honestly, I'm not really that deep.
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very good zachary Ervin cuellar!!!!!
Hahaha i used your full name!!!!
I didnt know you could be dark!!
-Rayz of sun
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