Pastor

As she was headed for the door, click, echoes the sound of the lights flicking off. It was pitch black and all she could hear was the beating of her heart. She was completely separated and alone. Just keep your eyes down, she thought. He approached the door smoothly placing his hand over the lock. She fixated her self to a picture on the wall. That was me, and my mentor at a convention, he stated. He approached slowly, but hesitantly, placing his hands to caress her hair. You are beautiful, he said in a lustful voice. Thank you, she replied in a quivering tone as her eyes were immersed on his. She was unable to react to his desire, but just stood in distress. Thump, thump, as the hammering on the door got louder. He then looked intensely into her eyes before he was persuaded away to the door. Not here not know, come on, what are you thinking, yelled another man who was positioned at the doorway. Come on, as he sighed, then forcefully placing his hand around her arm, lets go, as she was guided out of the room.

Pastor,

Hatred for all things mostly for trust
The evil keeps lurking and hides where it must
Each shred of dignity falls piece by piece
I just try not to think about what’s going on
They do what they can to get me to be free
I just go with the flow and hope for the day
When my memories are erased of when he had his way
You've all had your say and you've said it out loud
I could have fought back - but I was weak then and I am weak now
You kept me sheltered so I would not tell.
But it still all came out..
He was your friend; a pastor, but silence enables this to continue
But my true Pastor knew, he did what he could to stop you,
Eight years later you continue

Where does reality begin and end,
Does it lie within a circle's flow?
Am I Me from past or Me from now
And how come we won't let go?
The things that I know
Of hurts played out upon us deep
Turned inside out and back again
The sense of whom I was to be
Is caught in a drowning maelstrom
Of Want and Fear and Need
Can you recognize the acrid smell of fear?
Or see what color it paints your dreams?
Have you ever willed your lungs to breathe?
While praying that breath would cease?
And that dying forces can overcome us
And some scars never heal,
That you can't find whom you are inside
And where to connect to what is real
You think he can't enter your spirit,
That you're fighting off the blows
But time reflects your error as he settles
Deeper than even your Psyche knows
I wear the mask, I dance the dance
Of a woman free from scars and pain,
But remove the mask and I'm unrecognizable
Even though I look the same
Dear Lord, haven't I had enough?
Why can't I bleed away pain from my soul?
Why can't wishing and willing and wanting to
Be enough to make me whole?
You haunt my nights
Your shadow dwells in my days
Will this ever go away?
Every corner I turn
Every noise I hear
Is it you again, are you near?
Why do I have to live with fear?
When it's you that violated me.
Do I haunt your nights?
Do you see my shadows in your day?
Do you ever think of me? Yes of course you told me; sexually
As you are able to continue to play
What if this was your little girl?
Would it have shattered your world?
Know that she is the age I was
Know do you think twice of what you have done
Sometimes, but you still are willing to have your fun.
A secret told, but behold, a secret deeper than it holds.
A secret is best left
Kept,
To the grave you say, but is it you or him
That I really hate.
Yes you are strong and I am weak, "never so no to me"
This secret that is left, you are right it will always be kept,
Ill never tell as I promised, in my heart it seeps,
In our hearts it keeps, but this disease is what I will see,
When I can’t forget and be reminded constantly of when you
Took advantage of me.
You apologize and say your sorry, but you continue
So what am I suppose to believe.