peel the tight cellophane
from the perfect angles
of a shiny new pack
my little present
from myself to me
enjoy how the top flips up
and then back
how the last layer of paper foil
still teases
pull the red tab
and the perfect shapes rise
like organ-pipes of dazzling white
and flesh
grip the most prominent one
between eager lips
softly , protectively , hungrily
– like a kiss
nerve-endings spark
at the hiss
of a match
flaring in sudden protest
before quickly settling
to an intense calm
hold the perfect white tip
just above the fullsome yellow bud
of slow flame
drawing the invisible heat in
towards the itch
- scratch!
in zero point three seconds
the nervous system
receives its balm
and returns a message
yes! This is what I crave !
happiness
is a real need answered
so we make up needs
to satisfy.
The more intense
the better
I don’t smoke any more but I want to
I don’t do drugs any more – but I’d like to
I remember both so fondly – still an addict
I forget the terrible costs
I try now to hold on
to my health
to recognize what's real and what
I almost lost
Author notes
inspired by 'I remember ashtrays' by the great dave ochs .
In a list
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Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I really liked this poem... I love how you have magnifyed something so commen, deadily, and mysterious...My favorite part was most definately "enjoy how the top flips up and then back", i cant really describe what that made me think... It really shows humans distractions... Anyways, whatever it is, i really enjoyed it and had to take a second read over! This was very enjoyable poem, and officially my poem of the day! Oh these deadly sticks.... I liked your last stanza, although it didnt really go with the rest, it really actually summed it together nicely! I loved the rhyme... Very uniquely put together! loved this poem, The Mona Lisa of poetry!
~NATASHA~. Rewarded 4
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The Mona Lisa wasn't a smoker too was she? :-) lol ! Hey , I'm very flattered by the enthusiastic reception you gave my poem. Looks like I made something pretty out of something ugly. But the manufacturers do present them so temptingly and I liked that you picked up on the importance of the trivial here . Thanks again for the comment and for reading . Give my regards to the 'cowgurl' too! My Best >W<
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. . .
. Rewarded 4
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me too
My favorite lines were 41 to 48. I can rerally relate and you really have to hold on some days you can come very close to the edge. Great job I hope to read more soon.. Rewarded 1
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Great !
I ve never readed something like this before.And never thought of poetry concerning this topic.I think it is a good thing to be reading such a good message about fighting to vice to a problem that can even destroy a life....well it is difficult , but everyone has something to fight against inside or outside itself.And if writing helps in many ways to improve our life...and to deposit our feelings and fears and dreams...it will be useful and not only words to the wind...
Congratulations on your will to stop yourself destruction....Good subject.. Rewarded 4
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Thanks Ludmila - glad you liked it. Addiction comes in all shapes and sizes , not all so prettily packaged and presented , but most of them as pointless and destuctive as smoking.Hope this poem looked at the nature of that.
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it flows
nicly flowing, looks like you know what
your talking about.
I hate anything anybody would ever inhale
but this poem was nice. it was just
good poetry. and I can't say I hate the topic because
i don't. Rewarded 4
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Is this an Ode?
If not, it definitely should be. I liked how descriptive you were in writing this, you used a lot of the five senses words. Cigarettes are pretty gross, but once your hooked your hooked and I think you've shown all of us here that you definitely are hooked. It sounds to me like you're trying to quit? Good job and good luck! I would recommend nicotine patches for that. Good job and may your health be with you.. Rewarded 4
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Wow Angela - straight 5s from a non-smoker ! Thanks a million for reading it and enjoying it . Sorry I couldn't give you 5 stars and complete the set but the poem clearly states that I don't smoke any more ( 6 years 'clean' )and it really isn't an ode as much a lament for addicts and an attempt to look at the nature of addiction. Writing it , it struck me that the consumer society is largely based on this sort of behaviour . How cheaply we sell ourselves. Thanks again Angela. My Best. >W<
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Oops!
I'm not going to judge you by what you do or what the subject of your poetry is (though I did give you five stars for that). That's not what I'm about....though sometimes I admit it doesn get in the way. :S Anyway, I guess I missed the "6 years part." Well, you sell yourself no more! No problem with the not giving me five stars, i don't even know what your talking about haha!
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YOU ARE SUCH A TEASE!!!!! LOL!
YOU! You should be tied and spanked for teasing us all - for the none smokers - to maybe try it and get the feel, for the once smokers - to revive the feel and for the active smokers - and say YES! (guess where I belong? hehe).
i like lines 18-20....somehow, its a general feel. Like opening a chocolate when u are in a diet!
I was indulging in the humorous aspect of this poem. And don't protest....i find it funny!!!! But the last paragraph, it just put a stop to my laughter...Now....you've disappointed me once again....
So, you....you should be tied and spanked...and I'm the first one to do the spanking.
cheers!
Lynne
p.s. ok, ok...loved it!
. Rewarded 4
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Your turn..
Hey Lynne ! As my notes announce , this one was inspired , in fact suggested by , dave ochs after I'd responded to 'I remember ashtrays'. He said he reckoned I had a poem in me about cigarettes. I think you may have a poem in you about spanking! lol , Let's hear it ! I don't have smilies but consider one done. Thanks for the comment - when are you quitting? xx W. -
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i already did (quit)! this poem might just make me "unquit"....lol.
Poem about spanking...hmmm, something new for me...i'll work on it soon...looooool!
c ya,
L
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Wow
All smokers shold read this poem, the imagery is wonderful, I can almost feel the cigarette. I love lines 28-29.. Rewarded 4
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Thanks Red - got a light ?
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bravo
fantastic, you almost inspired me to start smoking again until the last stanza.
dave -
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Party at mine...
...bring some ashtrays ! Thanks Dave .
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