Alan was an actor
and a drunk.
Got as high as you could go
in his profession
and still couldn’t
support his family-
that’s how low
he’d sunk.
He’d call into my little shop
and shoot the breeze.
He liked to banter
about nothing at all
loved words
and sharing them.
The drink helped with that
up to a point.
Then he’d ‘share’
a few
too
many
and get slung out of the joint.
I used to lend him money –
twenty quid
no more
no less.
He’d pay me back
when he was sober
didn’t need his address.
He kept close tabs
on our account
liked to make sure
it was paid up.
It was like a ritual
as much
as an insurance policy.
A little something
for a rainy day
when he’d be
‘on the sup’.
Liked that I kept tabs
on him
and our twenty.
Not that he really
needed it.
He had plenty.
With drink on him
he became a little boy
and a monster both.
He’d stand at the bar
and ‘hold forth’.
“TO BE OR NOT TO BE –“
He was looking for answers.
He got messy in my shop one day
And I had to ask him
To leave.
That shocked him
And for a moment
gave him reprieve
from his inanity.
He gripped my shoulder
and looked at me,
his eyes pleading.
“Its poetry” he said.
“ What is?”
I asked , really wondering.
“All of it ! “ he replied.
Then he cried-
and left quietly.
Sometime later
he called in again
all business this time.
“ you’ll give it to me straight”
he said
“so tell me –
Am I an alcoholic?”
He knew I’d say yes-
but it still rocked him.
Couldn’t quite believe it
but knew
he had to.
Sabotaged himself.
“My missus kicked me out.
I don’t blame her.
Now my father
says he’ll
take me in – if I quit the drink.
I hate my father.
But should I take the deal?
Whadya think?”
He knew I’d say yes.
But still hated hearing it.
“Feck ye! I knew you’d say that.
Could ye not have disappointed me?”
Alan took the deal.
I wish I could
say
It made him happy.
He joined AA
Got on
with the twelve steps
pretty good.
But the little boy vanished
along with all the poetry
it seems he only felt
when he drank,
hiding now
from perhaps
the only person
he’d ever really wanted
to watch him
perform.
It didn't seem fair somehow.
In a list
Comments? [Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Not fair at all...
...and that's the price. Nice work here, John. Glad it's been spotlighted or I'd have missed it.
I have an artist-painter friend, does magnificent work, but gets slowed up almost to a stop by alcohol at times. But at other times, he paints like a drinking angel. I think if he stopped drinking, the painting would stop too. The painting, while drunk, "is poetry." The whole business you so carefully image in the poem is an unanswerable question: which one to drop, when both need each other?
Best line, among other sterling ones: "All of it" he replied. / Then he cried- / and left quietly." Softly, sweetly conceived and written.
And the Hamlet performance is a gem, perfect for the poem.
Another beauty from Birdland.
Lad
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Very unpredictable.
That's surprisingly sad. And I like that it's like a story in poetry form - it doesn't do much rhyming or have a particular, formal form, and that definitely suits it.
I feel sorry for the drunk man. He knew what he had to do, but didn't want to do it. His friends knew, and his wife knew, and his father knew, too, but he didn't want to do it. He took their advice, and he knows he's better off, but I really sense this horrible unhappiness in him from the way you finished off the poem. The line line especially is hella strong.
You did a great job with this. I definitely wasn't expecting this sort of poem. Thank you for sharing with us!. Rewarded 4
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Cheers Chi !
I love to get comment on this one as it's one of my own favourites . I like how this loose form lets the poem , and the story, flow. Learned a lot from Dave Ochs in this regard and you should check out his stuff if you like this . Thanks for the nice comment and the encouragement. >W< -
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I was just wondering is I read your reply if Dave had any influence on you. He's just smearing influence all over the place!
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Great subject, love the idea that poetry is hiden here, that it only comes out at special times under special circumstances depending upon who you are.
It reminds me a bit of my friends father who was a struggling actor turned english teacher. He loved poetry and skits and books and alchohol.
I dislike the last line of the poem, its such a great poem I feel it could be ended so strongly. Its such a let down with the last line. I'd love to hear a strong ending that really sums the poem up well and gives you a nice punch. Its probably just me though I love everything to come together at the end.. Rewarded 4
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No happy ending..
Hi KC and thanks for reading my poem. Seems we all know someone like Alan as Gnosisong commented. Like you I'm a romantic and always want things to turn out for the best. Unfortunately that's not always what happens , in this world anyway. This is a true story so I really had no choice about how it ends. That's more true than it seems for Alan is still alive . He still fights his demons as far as I know. Whatever the result - he may be the winner. I hope so and I wish him , and you , my very best. >W< -
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nono I understand that the whole point of the poem is loss and losing something beautiful, almost like a sacrafice. I just don't like 'it stank'. I don't like the word choice I don't like how that ends the poem. I think there could have been a much better way to use the last line than 'it stank'. I love the message though.
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Gotcha..
Oh I SEE ! Hey, I think I always had some doubts about that myself , that I was guilty of forcing a little rhyme. So , in honour of your thoughtful critique , I've edited in a new last line. And look at that, another little rhyme totally by accident - they're the best kind ! Thanks again - really appreciate it. >W< -
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oooh I looove it.
Sorry I'm so picky about stuff like that, I'm a tough critic I guess.
Much better ending.
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I usually try to avoid reading your comments or the comments of others before I critique a piece but this time I really couldnt help myself.
I understood that you were trying to show us life is poetry.
what I get from the last couple of lines is that sometimes because of our emotional drama we tend to get so caught up in our own problems and situations we figure that everyone should feel the same way or should be affected by our problems.
when they write about it it should be amazing because its about their drama, their life.when in essence everything could be summed up in one pathetic line.
thats just my take on this piece.
. Rewarded 1
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Hi Ku ! Thanks for taking so much care over this review - I'm gratified that you thought it worthwhile. You may be trying to read in more than I intended for this is not a parable. It's just a little story - a real one at that.It was Alan and not I who thought that all life was poetry. Unfortunately he only seemed to feel that way when was drunk.Or maybe could only express it when drunk. For some reason he saw me as some kind of father figure or confessor, perhaps because I imposed boundaries on his behaviour, especially about the conditions for borrowing 20 quid when he needed it most ( out drinking and out of cash). All children need to know that there are boundaries and where they are. When he 'hit bottom' he came to me for advice. I gave him what I believed to be the best advice I could , believing that getting 'clean' was what he wanted and needed.
But going 'on the dry' changed him. He became sullen and humourless and apparently saw no 'poetry' at all in life when he was sober.
The last stanza does surmise what the cause of this might have been. Alan's drinking ( and stage )' peformances' were all about 'look at me!' behaviour. I suspect his father was hard to please and that Alan grossly over-compensated by attention-seeking to the extreme. And ended up back with the one person who would never give him the attention he craved. His Dad. He was trying so hard to do 'the right thing' - it seemed a raw deal . It stank.
So you see it's really just an anecdote . And some very amateur psychology ! On the other hand , sometimes I think he had a point. Life IS poetry after all !
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hey i read this a couple of times. the form is great,i really like the story and the pace of it.
Now the line "it's poetry" just seem to be playing over and over in my mind and until i really get the underlying theme of this piece I SHALL NOT REST..lol
no but honestly don't tell me or explain ok. i like when i find stuff out myself.
but all in all its a story well told.. Rewarded 1
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hey i read this a couple of times. the form is great,i really like the story and the pace of it.
Now the line "it's poetry" just seem to be playing over and over in my mind and until i really get the underlying theme of this piece I SHALL NOT REST..lol
no but honestly don't tell me or explain ok. i like when i find stuff out myself.
but all in all its a story well told.. Rewarded 4
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It's got everything
It's a story.It's a poem.It's a modern day parable.
It is really wonderful and so sad.
It reminded me of someone once very close to me, who was so funny and philosophical when he'd "had a few" and yet so depressed, when in the "real world"
How many great poets and writers have had mental or alcohol related problems.
Maybe that's why I am mediocre(or am I bigging myself up by saying that)
Loved it!!!!
Emma. Rewarded 4
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See you at the bar !
Yes Emma , it seems we do all know an Alan and the relationship between disfunctional behaviour and art has always fascinated me.I wrote 'Fertile' after discussing it with a poetess who worked with prisoners and addicts. She believed that frustrated artistic tendencies manifest themselves in inappropriate ways.I think frustrations, pain and emotion need artistic expression and in some way its all interconnected. It's poetry. As to whether going out and getting smashed will make you or I better poets..it's got to be a worthwhile experiment ! Thanks for reading and for commenting. >W<
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Often you read poetry and you think its all about this abstract thing beautiful words are trying to say, but once in awhile you read a narrative, a story and you think "is it poetry." This is interesting, because it tells you a story of a particular man who seems to have done the right thing in the end and yet lost something in the process. Its a cold way to look at life.
Some people artist are said to be an artist under the influence of alcohol, but i find it sad to think that once one is sober, you lose that ability to write. Maybe life's tragedy and surrealness makes better poems.
It was a bit difficult to read in terms of rhythm, but it does reflect those old epic poems you read. I can here Homer reciting the poem in the streets. The language of the conversation conveys the place in the world he is from. Incredible story, beautiful thought,and sad outcome for Alan (to lose who you are just to do what we have to is but sad).. Rewarded 4
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Is it poetry ?
Thanks so much for reading and commenting iphios . I'm fascinated to know your verdict on your own question. This started as a short story with the same title and I distilled it to this. But did it come out as poetic story or as poem proper? -
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the difficulty in answering the question lies in the fact that in my opinion there is a thin line that separated a poetic story and a poem proper. I will try to answer that question and say that is poem proper.It may have narrated the events that led to the character's conclusion, but is does not spell out everything as a story would.And as i mentioned it is like an epic poem.
Truthfully, it is difficult to say whichever it is, but it's poetry and asks of itself whether it is "to be or not to be (poetry). And that i suppose is sufficient to make it poetry, the very fact it asks itself that question
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Thanks for all your consideration and taking the time here. It's very much appreciated. I almost wish you'd decided it wasn't just to see the headline ' Oh no it's NOT ' under a poem called 'It's Poetry' ! I love pantomime ! Seriously though, thanks again. >W<
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Very well told
The autobiographical aspect of this tale rings resoundingly sincere. The subtle unenforced rhyme, flavouring the discourse works to a T. The truncated, terse line structure flows well and lifts the narration in a beautifully subtle way. The descriptive elements are thoroughly human(e) and credible. We`ve all known or know an Alan. They would`ve been the bards of yesteryear, waistrel jesters and invaluable recorders of societal quirks and follies. The nectar of the Gods comes I suppose in many forms. All I believe wreak some damage to their vessel - conduits for artistic expression are but frail flesh afterall. It is a tragedy of everyday fate that Alan`s Spirit left with the spiritus. "Not all thespians are alcoholics but all alcoholics are actors." Who said that? No, too stoned to recall I fear, it eludes me anon..
My favourite so far Windhover!
PS Nice touch with "He knew I`d say yes" echoes. Rewarded 4
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Thanks gG. I wrote it as a short story first before trying it like this. I hope it conveys some of the pathos I have always felt about the story which of course is true. When Alan said 'It's poetry' he looked like a vessel that just couldn't contain its joy and wonder at the world - not the grandeur , just the little things. Neil Young said ' every junkie's like a setting sun' - and I think I always knew what he meant. There but for the grace .... Glad you liked this one. >W<
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'life style of the rich and famous!'
you could start i screen play!!!!!!!!To be (sober) or not to be (sober) that is the question! great work and i think you are good with this type of subject you seem to fit in with it more.
Ashley. Rewarded 4
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Don't know if I should take it as a compliment that I fit best with alcoholics and show-people but I will coz there's no such thing as BAD publicity (hic !)
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It's not just that...
it's one good story, altogether!
I have to admit I am a bit softee for this stuff. books and movies like this that celebrates moving on but is actully losing some important bits - it sucks, and it makes me cry! And it's just like Alan's story.Somehow you wonder if the choice you made was the right thing. After all, people keep saying -- Just be happy -- but are we really? when something like poetry in our lives is missing? (Uh-oh, where did that come from? lol).
Good stuff, I like this!
Lynne
p.s. did i tell you i already read the short story you wrote, the one you recommended? IT'S GOOD!!! The only problem was...I was reading from a computer - otherwise i was like a wide-eyed kid, flipping the pages frantically, it could have torn! Swear! Oh boy, am I glad I bumped on you in here!!!!
C ya.. Rewarded 4
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Funny you should say that..
..because I wrote it as a short story before distilling it down into this. It's a true story and for me it hangs on what transpires between lines 60 and 68. This event is what makes Alan unforgettable for me, even though we were never really close , and more poignantly so since I started writing poetry. Glad you liked the poem/story and the other one as well. Your lavish praise is a little embarassing but gratifying also and thanks again Lynne.
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