He’s fifteen
and doesn’t feel dressed
till he’s ‘messed up’.
It should be stressed
that ‘messy’
doesn’t come easy
among his peers.
It’s a science.
They’ve all studied it for years.
Each hair
must be put out of
(a very particular)
place.
and that shirt-tail
should only
‘hang out’
here and there.
All the way around
is a disgrace.
I’m thinking
of inventing
a steam iron
that puts wrinkles in !
it should sell
well
from what I can tell
for he is not alone.
two thousand clones
of his meticulous dishevelment
attend his school daily.
All pressed hard
by their fastidious disregard
for their looks
and their schoolbooks
all carefully uniform
in their differentness
In a list
Comments?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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conforming thru non-conformity
well done, easy to read (painless) and easy to understand, witty and tells a story and makes a point. what a novel concept for a poem
dave. Rewarded 4
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I dedicate this poem to..
In no small measure thanks to your good self I've come to recognize some of the 'stories' I've always told as potential 'poems'. This is a prime example. So thanks .
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Very cool!
This poem is stating the absolute reality that so many of my friends are in. I have to admit, I love me some messy hair. This is so neat! Major props!. Rewarded 4
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I loved this.
I have many times been struck by how in trying to be so "different", many kids don't realize that they are all the same. A literal sea of individuality awash in commonality. Thanks for putting this to poetry, and very well said too.
-Sole. Rewarded 1
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How true.
As one who attends a Catholic high school, this is basically what you see every day (and, I must confess, occasionally I too partake in the dishevelment). With that in mind, the relativity was astounding, at least from an objective point of view. Contextually, it was superb, you've got the ideas out there. I can only suggest that you work on the flow- there are a few awkward phrases (28-29, etc). The shortened lines really aren't my style, I'm afraid I can't properly appreciate them, nor can I offer well-founded criticism on their construction, because I don't know exactly how it's supposed to sound. To me, the line endings are very abrupt, but I would assume that's how you meant them to be? Interesting subject though, and not overdramatized at all.
. Rewarded 1
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Thank you Emeraude..
.. for this considered comment and for being so good as to return one so quickly. Glad you liked it and could identify! Hope it gave you a bit of a chuckle as well.The line breaks I use have developed over the last year or so , from reading other poets here and from attending poetry workshops. The idea is to use line breaks instead of more dogmatic punctuation marks to indicate where the reader might pause or take note.Alternatively the poem can be read straight through leaving almost all punctuation to the reader's taste and invention. It also helps to pace the poem if it is being performed, say at an open mike. Try reading it aloud and pausing just ever so slightly at the end of each line to 'hear' how it sounds. Your own poem that I commented on seemed to have fairly arbitrary punctuation and long lines. But reading aloud, your own and other people's work , really helps with understanding and appreciation. Nice doing poetry with you! My Best >W<
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unWINDHOVER... lol!
don't tell me you didn't pass this stage!!!! lol
and to tell you, this stage arrives earlier than it used to be. My niece is just three and she says....i dont like a green skirt, aunty lynne!!! (but, it's her school uniform!!!!!LOL)
I must say...this sounds really candid.
good for comic relief. Had a good laugh (or should I be?) LOL!
c ya,
SillyThoughts
. Rewarded 1
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I am an individual. I am and individual. I am an ind...
No - I didn't pass this stage. I'm still stuck at it! I'm sitting in the bath with my new Levi's on hoping they'll look JUST faded enough and only in the places they're supposed to. And if you tell any of my mates that or that I'm writing girlie poetry now I'm never talking to you again! EVER ! We adults don't rat each other out , do we ? Thanks for the (candid) comment Lynne ! xx >W<
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"You are all individuals!" "YES! We are all individuals!!!"
Lovely again. Just a nice simple observation of the current teenager phenomenon. SImple little thought for each stanza, lovely language. I particularly like the little satirising brackets on line 12, a technique I'm, kinda fond of myself.
The rhyme at the end works very very well, it comes in almost unnoticeable, leads the reader towards the end and never feels remotely forced.
I don't think this si the kinda poem you refine much other than superficially. It's just an enjoyable write with some lovely phrasing, and a nice little piece of fairly standard social observation.
I dunno how to describe this, it's just really light enjoyable fun poetry, it's great.
(Apologies if this was supposed to be extremely deep, and I've just slashed your poetic intention to shreds, hehe)
Laters mate
- iorek
. Rewarded 4
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I'm off to slash my wrists ! ...ha ha ! No , relax, a giggle is the appropriate response. This one came from laughing at my own teenager - but for Jesus' sake don't tell him !
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Well that is indeed excellent news. Your suicide would only serve to enrage the angsty poets of this site. We'd have twenty-five gothic "Ode to Windhover"s within the hour, and I'd feel duty bound to read all of them out of respect.
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