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Coca Coelacanth.

Missing image
   


Coca  Coelacanth.

What we  assumed extinct springs to life from the carcass that never  lived.

Post-urban pastoral writ of concrete runes;

Etched in a dour deluge of acid monsoons,

Sears heads of dreary dregs begging fortunes,

Amidst effluvial spume in downtown lagoons.

Echoing laughter of dusted boys`n`girls.

Nose-dive for crystal meth`n`ethereal pearls.

Asthmatic mist swirls, stirs asphalt-laden curls -

From bilious fug anaemic Rose unfurls.

Wing-like her petals; hues oxidized metals.

Rise past skeletal glass on barbed wire nettles!

Strive for distant skies of cyanosis blue -

Against dire odds from developed sod she grew.

Slit wrist sprays Scarlet across smog’s blackened haze.

We bask  in the pre-dusk that bludgeons the sky.

We are dismay chewing nails while mercy prays -

Insensate  zombies whose sole wish is to die.

Rose reigns down on gaunt fiends of what might have been.

Weeps while she screams and writhes - can do aught but thrive.

By the  shrine of her pain she worships obscene

Seeds a miracle inside: a Will to survive.

She sees:

Rivers of iodine flow like sacred wine;

Anodyne for suff`rings caused by lack of spine.

An upheaval wrought in Cathedrals of Mind -

Our structures won’t align to ones we designed!

Seek then alternate avenues to construct.

Firmer foundations from which Spirit may soar.

To build  upon nature is but to disrupt

Natural mosaics refining our core.

Yet

Who among the brittle towers gives a care?

For the fragile scent of nature’s gentler air?

In untouchable times we abide alone,

Souls yearn to taste tactile flesh never has known.

Still

Neon orchards glow `neath sunsets ever golden.

Eden resides  in lies we are beholden.

In the bark of a dead root life is not mute.

Even disfigured shoots dream dreams bearing fruit.

Author notes

A coelacanth is a primitive, boney fish believed extinct these past 200 million years or so. Until, to palaeontology`s surprise, one was caught in a fisherman`s net off the coast of South Africa ten years ago.
Within the opaque vastness of today`s megapolis city-sprawl teeming with massed "madding crowds", humanity (as in freedom of expression and opportunity for spiritual development) seems to drown and disappear in its own proliferation and gross materialism. And where will it end?
Will contemplative creatures revert to baser instincts within these urban jungles? Will our ties with nature become moribund?
And even if they do will some inner link with morphic fields recreate creativity and surprise vexistence like a certain coelacanth, a living fossil, once did with us?

Can we build high-rise daffodils?

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • silverbucket
    October 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I love the subject matter, and there are some really cracking lines in here, but I must say the structure confused me a lot, you appear to have made odd choices regarding where to put your punctuation, perhaps you did that for effect? I read through the poem a couple of times, and on the second reading that aspect of it does improve. Another thing I observed is that you have combined very modern terms such as 'crystal meth' with old-fashioned words, for example where you have replaced the 'e' in 'even' with an apostrophe. For me personally, this combination clashed whilst reading. On a more positive note, I like stanza 8 the most, good rythm and real passion comes through from it.

    . Rewarded 4


  • skipeople
    September 8, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I got into a fight with my biology teacher about how we say things are extinct, but they don't really know that. They can just be great hiders or just very endangered. It is like many things we have been taught. They can't be scintificlly proven, but they say it and slap it in a book so we will believe them. People should ask more questions.

    Great example. Loved it. though stupid me had to read it three times before i got some of it,, but i manged.

    ashley

    . Rewarded 4


    • gnosisonG silver member
      September 8, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Hmm

      The fish is a metaphor for the loss of the creative soul within an urban-decay type setting, skiperson. Why did you find the rhythm and tone so average? Count the syllables if you would and enlighten me please.
      gG


  • celestialpie gold member
    September 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Not a critique, just a question-- HOW?  How do you do it?  Not just once, but every time, your poems have wonderful rhymes, languages, images, none of which sacrifice depth or purpose?  You astonish me.


    • gnosisonG silver member
      September 6, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Thanx, Celestial

      I`ve always been a sucker for the come-hither wink of a coy rhyme, but depth and purpose is an ongoing "windmill" I strive for. Your kind words lend me immense encouragement.
      gG


  • Nienna Colle
    August 31, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Very Interesting

    I like particularly the way stanzas 10 and 11 begin with a single word. It's a very dark but deeply touching poem. I don't know about the rhyming you go back and forth between all four and alternate lines rhyming and that's all good but I am partial to the stanzas that all rhyme at the end. The third line of stanza eleven would do well if it said "Eden resides in lies to which we are beholden." it's lacking that extra syllable. But really, a great piece. Thanks!
    Nienna
    PS Your language is way above my own but I really enjoy it...!

    . Rewarded 4


    • gnosisonG silver member
      September 2, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Hang on

      If I cut out "to which" it reverts to 11 syllables and still makes sense (?)


    • gnosisonG silver member
      September 2, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Thanx again Nienna

      So good to have such astute feedback, and from what I have had the pleasure to read of your work: a worthy poetess has joined sharepo!
      Yes you hit upon the main "fault" with this piece along with potential opacity (hmm, maybe that would be a more apt title!) - the lack of a single rhyming pattern. Can`t be helped I`m afraid (at least by this inadequate author).
      I agree with your "Eden.." line suggest. but it would actually entail 13 syllables (2 xtra!) and might that be stretching form aberration too far?
      I strove an embarrassing duration with the whole last stanza but fuck it - "we`re" does dilute the dogmatic catechism so I shall revert to "we are"! Syllables must give way to abstract, introverted, symbolic syllogisms and what-not, don`t you agree, Nienna?
      regards,
      gG


      • Nienna Colle
        September 2, 2006
        Edit | Reply
        Ok, let's see...I just got really confused for a moment there...I think that leaving it "Eden resides in lies to which we are beholden" actually fits in fine with the overall rhyme scheme which you have established...I have no idea what exactly are your thoughts as you read (and when you wrote)the poem (which obviously influences everything) but to me it seems to run smoothly...more so than before...(?). Although  taking out "to which" does work...it's 11 syllables which also sounds fine and it does make sense...I don't know! It was just a suggestion. And, yes, I do agree with all your intelligent banter dear gG.
        Thanks for replying, it made my day
        Nienna
        PS any suggestions on my poetry would be welcome as well
        PPS it was just curiousity that led me to question the rhyme scheme it does work


  • himanshumodi
    August 31, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    stanza 5 last line: against "all" odds. Dire is one syllable too many.
    Stanza 9: for refining put "that build" for a better rhythm.
    Also, i did not get stanza 6. Could you clarify.

    Well... after the comments. A brilliant poem. Nothing short of it. Brilliant subject. Brilliant flow. Brilliant rhyming and rhythm. Couldnt ask for anything better.

    Cheers. You are my first fav poet.

    . Rewarded 4


    • gnosisonG silver member
      September 2, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Thanx again Himanshumodi

      Blimey! I hope you didn`t have to count all these lines syllable tallies! Just kidding.
      You are right of course and believe it or not, I find I did have "all" in an earlier rewrite, but I hate to be a slave to form and preferred "dire". Maybe this does detract from the overall "feel" ? Hmmm.
      As for stanza 9 (you mean 8 here i think), I`m afraid the sentence wouldn`t make sense with "that" instead of "to".
      To clarify the meaning of stanza 6, my friend:
      I was trying here to convey both physical birth and birth of awareness and the mental/physical agony this process can entail. In this case the birth of Scarlet(stubborn stormy free will- Scarlet O`Hara)/Rose(beauty with thorns for protection) or The Muse/Creativity under terrible conditions. The creative element worshipping "life". A bit obscure this I grant you!
      Thank you so much for your kind, insightful comment!
      Warm regards,
      gG
      PS: Line 4, stanza 6 and l.2, st.10 also have xtra syllables!

  • emma cameron
    August 28, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    I can't begin to express how this poem made me feel.It is wonderful.The words, the imagery are on such a higher plane to my poetry  that I feel  inadequate to critique.However I have to express my sentiments because it left me full of admiration for your style of writing.
    There is another poet on this site ,Saturnine Serenity, and I feel exactly the same about his writing.I don't always understand it but absolutely love the feel, the flow and the beauty of the words.
    Regards Emma

    . Rewarded 4


    • gnosisonG silver member
      August 30, 2006
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Emma

      I`m so glad you took the time to read this somewhat intricate and lengthy piece. It took a while to complete and attain more focus than at its myopic inception. I don`t suppose I shall be getting so many comments on this one so yours is all the more cherished.
      Cheers,
      gG

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