- Member since October 15, 2008.
- My mood is , and quote is "ranging".
- I am a 34 year old person
- I have 7 comments, 1 archived poem
Guest Book
Comments
1 - 2 of 7
Show all
-
-
on All These Be Poetry by Gagiikwe, on October 31, 2008
lovely
a challenge, and entertainment, a story, a question, a visit out (into your words) and a visit in (into my answer). a light touch and a wealth of possibilities. it is true. all these be poetry and mor and more and more. sometimes you gave surprise which is best in poetry the misdirection and then the thing goes with the other that I din't expect which forces me to collide or think or jump. well, done! and thanks.
suggestions: “Fecund” I’d like more as “jumping”, like meaning truth possibilities jumping off in my mind and in the world of ideas, for me the image is more playful and less academic than fecund, which I find perhaps too obvious in the poetic context. 2nd suggestion: “shouting “Fire!” on a crowded train” – I am distanced from the writing at this moment because I wonder if you are using the “cliché” incorrectly, or if there is some intention, like train instead of theater because a theatre is static and a train moving. It is a legitimate use of cliché, but whether intentional or not, it distances me from the text for a moment while I think about your intention, and I think that the cost of that distance in comparison to the benefit of the altered cliché is taking away from the experience of your work.
language: 4, rhythm: 3, tone: 4, form: 3.
hmmm
thanks for the reply. some true is fine, always the case right? writing poetry isn't journalism. just good stuff, go deeper.