- Last seen on Dec 20 2:01 AM 2007. Member since August 5, 2005.
- I am a man (Australia)
- I have 4 comments, 24 archived poems
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- a Poem of Friendship at storywrite
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DEATH OF A BROKEN PLANET
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on Revenge by , on August 15, 2005A very powerful and deeply felt narrative. However, the rhythm flow is a bit uneven at times.
Robert Davidson
. Rewarded 4


Excellent
No. Your point comes across immediately and very maturely. As this is free verse you could vary the length of the lines a bit and if possible avoid the rhymes ‘eyes’ and ‘lies’. Otherwise excellent.. Rewarded 1