Hai friends.
Hey guys...cheers to u all!!! pls be generous to give away ur true comments..GOOD LUCK!!!
- Last seen on Dec 30 9:00 AM 2008. Member since March 18, 2006.
- I am a 18 year old guy (India)
- When I'm not writing, I'm STUDENT.
- I have 170 comments, 11 archived poems
My Poetry
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Me and love - two different worlds! / i thought, to the land of love, / had I always been an ALIEN. / Was sailing in a solitary boat to discover, / this puzzling land where many wander. / / The Boat stopped at once! ! ! ... / Brown turne
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on Untold words by Barenya, on March 22, 2007
deep and deep
Hai sis,
This poem is so very deep. Each time I read it i am having a different feeling..,each one a little deeper than the earlier..but still i am not getting the real picture..but i could find something touching..these thoughts are very new to me and i have never had much sorrows in my life to understand this poem fully.But u have developed an excellent talent to corelate things(in this poem it is nature and life)..This makes even the dry themes interesting to read.
But dont do this in all ur poems,some should be straight forward and some should twist and some should be humourous(i feel so)..u are really strong in ur ways to write bout life(means u have come across many hurdles in real life and that has made u an excellent poetess)like ppl say there is always something good in bad..now that u have started writing much about life..in all ur poems i could find something bout life(the real meaning of which could not be understood by anyone).But Baren ur poems are missing the cheers what u had earlier..i mean even if ur title is about nature, it ends up saying about life...i really loved this write..hope i will add another comment when i read this next time..but there are some spelling mistakes..pls correct..and thats all for now.
bye,
take care
Bhaiya(shyam).. Rewarded 4
"Real acrimony is better than fake fantasy" excellent write!!!
hey sis,I strongly stand for ur notion...This is very true.."reality, even the worst is better than fantasy, even the best"..I think this is what u mean..ur vocabulary made me to refer the dictionary(as mine is poor)and i wanted to analyse each and every word of the poem..u have greatly improved over the months on ur vocabulary,theme and the way to expose the thought...excellent..but i really wonder how u analyse the world and life to this extent at this age..anyway these realisations has made u good poetess.But wait on ur way of analysation. stop to think..is this possible? i dont feel it is..ppl(me too rarely)dwell on dreams(even which are not likely to happen)..This is really useless..but it is difficult to avoid too(may be only for me,i dunno)..u have said to choose between the two..but do u think fake dreams(fantasies) really sweep away the good from us?..when i realised some positive ones really nourished me(even if they were impossible)..so i like to have an idea about this poem the next time we chat...
Now coming to the poem,
In ur first stanza "the world beyond" likely means the eternal world...but dreams are never the world beyond(i felt so, U need not change if u dont).
And all other ensuring paragraphs flow really well.. in the authors notes u have said u tried rhyming,but i dont think it is very succesful..good coherence maintained throughout the poem,which is very difficult to do in such kind of themes..the poem is direct..i like that..and it is yet another feather..i really loved the message.And i am the first to comment(back again).
bye
take care,
Bhaiya(shyam).
. Rewarded 4